Tsunami

I’m going to swallow the ocean

I’m going to wipe away the sand

turn a wave, maybe I can be a better man

maybe I will be able to stand on my own

 

I watch the hour glass tip to its side

I have to make this fast I’m running out of time

when the sand reaches the end of time

I’ll break out of my shell and fly with the butterfly’s

I’ll be the worm that crawls out the apple of life

 

In the water is a shadow of a tree

the waves crash and it’s left with no leaves

it’s the beginning of the changing of the seasons

the wind blows bending the tree for no reason

the tree falls to the wrath of my palms, it’s left bleeding

 

What have I done, what have I become

I swallowed the ocean and blocked out the sun

In my palms is the sand left to no love

there’s a tsunami that’s coming, what have I done

the innocence of another life, I have had enough

 

The waves crash the hour glass cracks

I’m dying on the inside the butterfly only lives for one night

the worm falls from the tree of life

I guess this is my payback, the sand begins to attack

I swallowed the ocean, blocked out the sun and ran out of time

Reviews

[The dark story]

this poem has got its own strength..it's really a thrilling one..the way you've defined Tsunami and put yourself in it is great!!i can feel it's rhythm going so fast in the first place and then becoming so smooth and steady in the last stanza..the first line itself is so powerful that it impressed me!1great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Phillitup]

This is a very interesting piece and definitely has a lot going for it. I enjoyed reading this a lot because of the point of view and the fact that this was very well-written. Nicely penned and best regards, Dell

[Brandon Mathis]

thank you check out some of my other poems

[Meliss@k]

i'm very impressed by all of your writings... I read some of your background on why you have written what you've written and I think that Tsunami is a great example of anyone's feelings after going through what you've recently been though.

[TheJordBaker]

good stuff, flows well and some excellent imagery. I particularly like the lines:
What have I done, what have I become
I swallowed the ocean and blocked out the sun

great write.

[ewest1220]

Very figurative. I love the imagery that you put into this. "I'm going to wipe away the sand." Is probably my favorite example. Good work!

[Brandon Mathis]

my brother gave me four words and i turned into this!!

[Sir Joe]

You did a great job here.
I love the imagery and the theme/message.
However, i saw some non-fatal errors ther:
1. butterfly's --- shouldn't this be "butterflies"?
2. crawls out the apple --- crawls out of the apple
3. add question marks to the questions "what have I done, what have I become"
4. comma between the lines "the waves crash" and "the hourglass cracks"
5. comma also in the 2nd line of the last stanza

Great write man. (=

[Morning Star (SJA)]

A very good representation of the transience of all things.

[khalid]

very nice challenging spirit reflectd here, i like it

[MOON]

Beautiful lines , creating your own chaos.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Such awareness of self. Excellent read and write. Namaste.