Confusion Rendered

Confusion Rendered

A Poem by boltsbutterfly
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Poem

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Confusion Rendered


I sit in worry

I hate myself

I hate my body

I hate it’s swell


I dream of acid

To wash away doubt

I dream of my body

As it was before


Obsessed you say

I couldn’t know

Forsaken of hope

I struggle under tow


I write and listen

I pretend you do

My voice is unspoken

To the torment I am issued


Beat me with love

Call it what you will

I fucked in the ashes

Of your broken appeal


I taste my blood

I choke on your body

I wake in the maggots

My own happy family


Do you not see

I cannot reach you

Shun my heart

I do not need you


I lie alone

The flames consume

But all I feel is frigid

In this forsaken room


Bite my bile

Chew at the the stick

Hands are made for destruction

I am the pulpit


I read of hearts

I read of minds

I read of passions

I see the lies


Bullshit Candor

Fucked beyond repair

You don’t like my mouth

I couldn’t f*****g care


Bitter tastes

I keep them all

Forgiveness is given

I simply love the fall


I tell you dreams

I smash them down

I suckle the infection

I am the devil's clown


I smile

Broken glass charade

I develop a sense

A puppet on parade


I hate this new vision

this change in self

I did it for you

stab me backwards


Insure my mind is clean

Say what you will

I am not your child

I am not your swill


Soothe me

Soothe me

You are full of s**t

I am shoddy in complexion

I am fed in the muck you spit


Sandpaper dreams

Gouge out my eyes

Rape my whole body

It doesn't matter

about the flies


I am nothing

I dream for not

Who f*****g cares about it

I am the foul mouthed c**t


I sit and stew sanely

The smile rictus

I am the devotion

The emotion

No one cares to admit


Maybe I did it

Maybe I started it all

Maybe my loving

Was my imminent fall


No grace do I carry

No hopes

Only dreams

I should let things happen


Bullshit World

I hold limbo

If you let me

I’ll stay this way


It will win

I am uncovered

Doused in my sin

And I enjoy each moment


I am a problem

I am a solution

I know how to fix it

Still I sit in confusion

I like it that way

Render my contusion










© 2016 boltsbutterfly


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Added on May 10, 2016
Last Updated on May 10, 2016
Tags: poem, pain, loss, heartache, anger, life, love, depression, anxiety, dreams, hopes

Author

boltsbutterfly
boltsbutterfly

PA



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A Poem by boltsbutterfly