Memories

Among the tides we sleep
the birds soaring above the ocean
the fish swimming in the deep
and the boats swaying in motion

There is no one there to listen
as she sits alone to weep
the tears upon her face glisten
the memories are hers alone to keep

Author's Note

Let me know what you think... and how to improve.
~ Chole <3

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i think the first line could be a little more sensible but, other than that this is a very nicely arranged, cleverly worded and lovely poem. just a suggestion: you could change the first word of the first line to "above", suggesting that you are in a boat and reinforcing the "swaying in motion" reference. just a thought. all in all a great write...

[compositionc]

Good structure, nice rhyming. Nicely worded too. I would say for the first line to change it to 'Abve the tides we sleep', it would sort of make more sense for the 'swaying in motion' line.
Very well done.

[Kathryn]

Lovely structure,and you used really innovative rhymes. To improve you could have added more metaphors like your first stanza, perhaps adding another verse, but overall this peice was hauntingly beautiful. Well done:)

[Sukriti Suki]

Nice. I think maybe the first line could be - Among the tides she sleeps' so all of the poem remains in Third Person Omniscient...Otherwise this is a very nice piece.

[VelvetRosetta]

I think it is nicely done. Keep up the good work!

[akapr17other]

I really liked the first stanza, though, I thought this poem might be better if you brought up the girl before you did. She seemed like kind of a random part of the poem.

[Niki Wilson]

Memories are so important.. Great!

[Silent Knight]

Very nice. the words flow together very well.

[Kat]

Its really pretty great job:) for a weird reason my read request box is like filled up with poems of yours they're really good so keep sending and writing :D

[Kiari Sabon]

i love the work

[Pebbles]

rather haunting ..beautifully written :)