Three Verbs

Three Verbs

A Poem by bpark
"

a rant, mild language. feedback yes? cool

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of Three Verbs.



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Three verbs;

ranting,

venting,

bitching,

I utilize all while writing,

because writing is my outlet.

it is my premier escape.

like heroin is for you

you lifeless junkie,

put yourself together.

it's an escape like

masturbating in public

is for you over there.

fuc**** creep.

Jesus Christ.

don't do that anymore,

seriously find somewhere

new to escape.


I feel my genius today.

I love every word, letter, and line

that I'm writing.

But you know what?

I'll hate them tomorrow.

I'll think this s**t I'm writing is worthless.

I'll consider deleting it, but I won't.

I can't even part with it.

much like my inability

to disremember past

romantic associations

until long after my

word and name are

dead to her.


as a parting favor

I simply ask you

don't confound these

words I write with

apathy or arrogance.

they sting off the

tip of the tongue

but they come from

but a despondent

point of view.


.....................................................................


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shortened url: http://goo.gl/Fi0Qy

© 2012 bpark


Author's Note

bpark
I'd really like some feedback on this kind of writing I don't even know what I'm supposed to call it. hmmm...



Featured Review

I enjoyed the poem. I like the flow of thoughts on writing and life.
"I feel as if a genius today.
I love every letter, word,
& line that I've written."
Many set of lines stood out in the poem. The above lines were my favorite. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I enjoyed the poem. I like the flow of thoughts on writing and life.
"I feel as if a genius today.
I love every letter, word,
& line that I've written."
Many set of lines stood out in the poem. The above lines were my favorite. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the following two lines best, it sets the pace...


a well dressed mess,
I am but a man


Despite the facade, many of us walk around in a vulneralbe state of mind. It's hard to cover and clothe what we feel on the inside. Yet we have an option to purge it all through art...poetry...writing....it is an endorphine to have such a creative voice...but sometimes it stings with a pleasurable pain...missing someone...our thoughts and words can hurt for a lifetime.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


An interesting write, different from most of the stuff I've read recently...There are aspects of this that are really very good :) I like that you have written what I wouldn't call poetry but spoken word...This is the kind of poem (with editing etc) that should be performed... I think it would be even more powerful if you were speaking it out on stage to people...The only thing I would say is that it is utterly transparent..but I suppose thats the point of a rant isn't, its supposed to be blunt and indelicate...But I think you could still be powerful while at the same time internalising, by not just being angry and swearing...but I suppose thats the point of a rant again! Spontaneity and explosion of emotion...But I really like this ! These are only minor things and personal preferences of my own that I need to learn to control! Maybe give this a listen if you get the chance, this is what I meant by spoken word, I recon this is well on its way to being something like this :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkDZwOe7drg


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bertie

11 Years Ago

I just read this back and realised how much I've wittered on ! Apologies but I find it very interest.. read more
bpark

11 Years Ago

I get what you're saying about it being transparent and filled with vulgarity, believe me I noticed .. read more
bpark

11 Years Ago

after watching that video, I understand more what you mean. That guy is good. How would you recommen.. read more
I don't even know what to say. I really like it. It's raw and choppy, but it has an emotional fluency that you can simply run over in your mind. It's like reading actual feelings from the heart; it might seem jumbled up and seriously unique, but in the end it still has rhyme and reason, and it's simpler than one thinks. I really like this piece of yours. Kudos to you.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hey.... really cool write... I think it's funny and funky.. I'd call it poetry..... really well structured rant, but still poetry.. I actually love reading thoughts like these on the fly.. they all connect in my mind.. it's a talent to reveal so much of what you're feeling and thinking with such a creative flair... and apply wit, attitude, current social issues... I think if you were to develop further... you can go deeper into the psyche and really just let your mind rip on every observation. Love this style, and that's the honest truth.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bpark

11 Years Ago

well now that I have the right poem up.... thank you for validating my sub-genre of poetry. If you r.. read more
Circe

11 Years Ago

yeah I can understand the ranting style..... think it's quite effective.. you can even make it more .. read more
It has a flow, that is one thing I can say for sure. I am personally not a fan of rant-like pieces so I cannot say much. However, I can put in a few words. I recommend working around the language a bit. Coarse language is like a double-sided blade, when used right it can add to your piece but at the same time it can hurt your piece. One way this can happen is by making the piece sound forced. Often course language sounds forced and makes it sound a tad in-genuine. Writers often think that the addition of course language makes their piece sound genuinely emotional but it often doesn't. Anger does not necessitate course language and it can make a piece sound rather immature. What I recommend is using adjectives that add depth to your piece. Lines like "you junkie piece of s**t" may sound witty but it isn't. I would avoid lines like that. I can see where you are trying to take this piece; however, there is so much more you can do to makes this piece really pop. Happy Writing!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
helloCharlie

11 Years Ago

Nice rewrite. It is much more coherent than the previous one. The additions you made added much more.. read more

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413 Views
1 Review
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on December 10, 2012
Last Updated on December 11, 2012
Tags: dark, freeverse, poem, poetry, ranting, title, three-verbs, three, verbs, bryce-parkinson, ranted-tirades, rant
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