rough draft

rough draft

A Poem by bpark
"

it's still free-verse and they'll continue to be so, but I'm proud of this rant. let me know if you have any suggestions to make it better.

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of rough draft.





(August 15th, 2012) Nashville, TN

Rough Draft:

this feeling is unsettling…
it's as if I've spent the last
four  years of my life getting

stoned
drunk

and all kinds of high.
all day every day,
hence why I hardly (if at all)
function as
a student or son,
let alone a
significant other.


Everybody is always looking for something,

anything that they can grasp and call love.

 it's
nothing short of tragic and dramatic.
I make myself a 
hypocrite as I call them fools.

perfectly oval tablets slip
then slither down my throat,

I need these now more than
ever to numb my mind 
and soul.
I took too many lefts and just
fell short of making rights.
now the clock tics slow as I sit
deep in this asphalt paradise.

I use uppers as my
catalyst and my excuse to
blow
my insecurities out of proportion.
I take depressants to silence
the racing voices in my mind.
I partake in the (shhh hallucinogens)

to talk to those voices in my head
as I pray to God that deep down,
I’m not as insane as the voices are.

A combination of all three brings about
the enactment of two famous last words:
"f**k it."

The problem with sobriety is that it's boring.
There's got to be  more to life than just this
Something better than all of it, all of us,

I've lost control of my reality and have
misplaced my identity.

I can't even get close enough
to anybody to vent these
thoughts and
feelings
and that's the most
unsettling of all.


by Bryce Parkinson




© 2013 bpark


Author's Note

bpark
do me the favor of defining its genre



Featured Review

I knew many people who lived for the high. They couldn't face life without some sort of drugs. The poem was honest and direct. Some places where drugs can take you. There is no return.
"I've lost control of my reality
and have misplaced my identity."
I like the strong ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

read this just after i caved to my own addiction, though different than your subject matter. I relate. I enjoyed. I dig.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is great as like a cautionary tale

Posted 8 Years Ago


Despite the very adult subject matter, it was kind of beautiful. Addiction is a struggle that every singe human being on this planet can relate too. Some addictions are more ugly than others....but it's all in the same....it enslaves us....despite our better judgement we need and crave these things to feel "alive" ?

I took too many lefts and just
fell short of making rights-
now the clock tics slow &
I sit deep in this asphalt paradise.

Paradise is in our perception, being lost in a fog....the world is an ugly place, and unfortunately it's the only way one can manage to cope some days.


Par

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bpark

8 Years Ago

you're right that paradise is relative I won't argue that, but the use of "asphalt paradise" here is.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Muse

8 Years Ago

I'm not a critique...if you honestly want some advice "knowing that I struggle with this too" less c.. read more
I knew many people who lived for the high. They couldn't face life without some sort of drugs. The poem was honest and direct. Some places where drugs can take you. There is no return.
"I've lost control of my reality
and have misplaced my identity."
I like the strong ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is pretty heavy and depressing... good thing you're getting some of it out of your system by writing it down... it's very well written. still, you don't seem to be nihilistic... while I am the opposite of you (I think sobriety is exhilarating a lot of times) it's still an interesting perspective you offer and those feelings of despair I have felt before..... just keep writing.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bpark

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the genuine read and review, I really do appreciate it.
The things I write tend.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.

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1 Review
Added on December 10, 2012
Last Updated on February 21, 2013
Tags: addiction, alcohol, angry, downers, drugs, jackson kilgrow, love, poem, poetry, rant, ranted tirades, ranting, stress, substance abuse, uppers, venting
Previous Versions

Author

bpark
bpark

Salt Lake City, UT



Writing
Three Verbs Three Verbs

A Poem by bpark



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