i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

A Poem by Brandon Umbarger

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

i was born under cloudless october sky

no watchman approached me with robe

walking purpose speaking "blessed be this child"

no clergyman held me in wretched arms

my mother did not fight for my name

and matter of all beings could have been

i could have been anything, if just something

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

called lackadaisical day dreaming

as if my values needed questioning 

but red faced father screams ensuing,

so i presented separate selves

seeking separate ends to the same life

problems in the halls of my high school

always different, and i always different

feeling differently and persecuted

from day one simply accepted by my peers

as just one more drop of water in the glass

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

driving east down northwest highways home

Kanye telling me which direction the world moves

i feel small and rejected by my only relevant heroes

grouped into gaping holes of self-pity

i am the writhing holocaust of teenage America

you don't belong to my clique 

i'm accepted inside my own well of self-hatred

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

standing up now, and wiping mud from eye socket

gripping fist ever tighter, muttering slow

my world has always been illusory

chanting as if breath did not exist

my world has always been illusory

so should i be, maintaining my character

slack personage raging in the bathroom

slip away for the impending insulin shot

i'm dreaming a dream of who i am not

© 2013 Brandon Umbarger


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Added on March 12, 2013
Last Updated on March 12, 2013
Tags: poetry, reflection, new, 2013