Gourmand night

oh foul gourmand night,

your shades have such an appetite;

savagely chewing bites

from our hoary moon.

oh my bitten moon,

you shan't grieve,

 your pale crescent is our relief

with milky beams of yours,

you solace the tumultuous roars

of an old man's wars.

Reviews

[Cory Barrett]

Brilliance in this piece!

[Latifa]

thank you Cory

[Aethereal]

The Moon is a powerful mystical symbol that often fights the tempest for supremacy over nocturnal skies. You brought forth her ancient immanence beautifully. I was inspired to rewrite you first two lines as such:

Oh foul inclement gluttonous night,
must you bite the Moon out from our sight?

[Latifa]

beautiful rewrite, thank you for the review

[Leigh]

The night can be so greedy. You have blended two ideas together very well, creating a unique concept. It takes some imagination to write like this.

[Latifa]

thank you for the review

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I love this...maybe the safest moon is the quarter moon, not so much to bite...
but such a subtle light.

[Latifa]

thank you for the review

[Norah]

A Lovely poem! I like the rhyme scheme as well, and the picture is amazing. Great job :)

[Latifa]

thank you Norah

[A. Amos]

Elegantly crafted, enjoyed reading your work!

[Latifa]

thank you for the review Amos

[Christopher Robin]

Nicely penned, just one or two grammatical errors I wanted to point out.

1. "you shan't grief" is not correct, the verb is 'grieve' and unfortunately with the 'eve' sound it throws your rhyme off a little, a possible fix might be -
"your pale crescent will soon relieve" or some such thing, guessing that you'll want to change relief to relieve.
another fix if you love the second line over the first could be something like -
'consumed/chewed by night's thief'

2. "you solace the tumult roars" tumult roars is incorrect phrasing, a verb and a verb, and they mean almost the same thing. If you intend to keep the word change it to the adjective 'tumultuous' which will then give meaning to the verb 'roar'.

That's all, possibly a 'lost in translation' issue but i understand what you mean, it's a unique and cute metaphor. Well written.

-Robin

[Latifa]

thank you for your critcism, I really appreciate it.
I'll edit it right away

[Christopher Robin]

Always welcome, I have a passion for rhyme, your talent is obvious; might as well make it perfect :)

[Latifa]

yeah, the thing is I want to go back to rythme because it's been a very long while since I wrote with it, I got caught up in free verse but now I want to be more serious and expirement with all poetry structures and tools.

[Christopher Robin]

That's great to hear, I think rhyme is too often overlooked, not used correctly, and not given enough credit when used correctly, but it can bring so much more structure and intelligence to a piece. The editing you've done is good but unfortunately you've created another error here.
"our relieve" is not correct, it should be "our relief" only in terms of grammar. Either something provides 'relief' or it is 'relieved' by something, it cannot provide 'relieve'. Sorry to keep hassling you about it but I know you want this to be correct. Perhaps just play around with a few options to see if you can keep the words, best of luck!

[Latifa]

thank you once again, I'll edit it again
I can't believe I made it another mistake even thoough I'm hard on myself when it comes to english.