Death

it's suppose to be my first TANKA, I hope you like it

there is no comfort

in sightless soliloquy,

bones pillowed in dirt

with tickling inflicting worms

and bleak silhouttes of woe.

Author's Note

I visited my grandpa's grave today and I just had some contemplation on death and how mysterious it is.
How can someone that you knew so well can just leave and perish and we'll all have to face it too.

Reviews

[MOON]

Lovely poignant lines, I like to think no one dies , they live inside our hearts forever!

[TL Boehm]

bones pillowed in dirt. that's a powerful line.

[Mayank]

Death - is the beginning... we have to take that ride and bear the pain of loosing someone close to us. We shall set the soul free when the time comes...

[stars are far]

that was so sad, since it reminds us of our end, no matter what will it be, well you've described that well, good job

[Rene Salinas]

This is a tough one becuase it will be completely dependant on your view of life. Native americans saw death with respect and conformed accordingly and saw loads of honour none of which would escape the fate of decya of the material. Other perform rituals and solace may be found in the recognition that wherever they may go they are better of. Death is and will forver be your best friend there on your left. The bit that could be helped however is don't leave anything inside just leave it all on the "board" until the last move so hen the time comes it does not catch you and condemn you to regrets.

Thankyou

[Namrata]

I liked the previous one too, without edits. This one just goes deeper and stabs me, as beautifully wriiten though.

[Latifa]

thank you, I edited becau it didn't fit the tanka and I wanted it to be one.

[Namrata]

I am sorry, I don't know what a tanka means, maybe you could enlighten me ? I would love to learn.read moreI am sorry, I don't know what a tanka means, maybe you could enlighten me ? I would love to learn.

[Namrata]

oh ! I see, thank you.

[Namrata]

Yes, it is sad and grave, instead. How are we supposed to deal with a person who means so much still but you can't perceive him through your senses anymore ?
How and what do you do when the person's thoughts become dearer than the person himself?
I guess we all are wandering lone and clueless.
Death is probably a mystery you don't solve unless you vaporize yourself.

[Christopher Robin]

It is a sad reflection on death, and I am sorry for your loss, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) we are here to critique poetry, not people.
This is not a TANKA, that is a form of poetry with rules relating to 31 syllables.
the form MUST be:

5
7
5
7
7

The only part of your poem that conforms to this is the third and the final line. You could fix the first by simply changing there's to 'there is'. Not sure what you want to do about the rest. It is a nice poem, but not a TANKA yet, sorry!

-Robin

[Sheila Kline]

Good job with the tanka and interesting thoughts. We are here one minute and gone the next.....some far too soon!!

[Cory Barrett]

Wow. You paint a morbid masterpiece in a very limited space.