Yesteday once more ch 1

Taylynn advertises for a general handy man to help around the property now that her dad has past and her work takes so much time. What she doesn't know is that the man she hires is Jazzmyn's dad who h

Chapter one

 

He heard rustling in the house so he knew they were home.  Yet he couldn’t seem to knock.   He had the paper with the ad for a handyman and the note he’d written directions on. Come on, Landon, he told himself, knock.  But he couldn’t raise his hand.

Would Taylynn know it was him?  He knew he looked different. He had brown hair now instead of blond, but his eyes were still a very distinct blue.  And he knew he was much shorter at 6’0” then the 6’7” he had once been.

But to be here, to see her and his daughter, had been worth it.  Jacob said she wouldn’t know him and that he couldn’t tell her.   But how could he not?

Finally he knocked.  His daughter answered the door and for a moment he was speechless.  She really did look

just like him.  Had that been a comfort to Tay?  Or had it just made things more difficult?

“Hi” He finally managed, “I’m Lance. Is Mrs. Coleman in?”

A dazzling smile took him by surprise.  “Sure, I’ll get mom. And it’s Ms.  She’s not married.”  She winked and was gone before he could comment.

He just smiled.  He sensed a mischievousness in her that had once been a part of Tay.  “Mom, he’s here.” He heard her call.

He heard little running feet followed quickly by the tread of grown up feet.  A little blond bombshell rounded the corner followed by Tay carrying a matching one on her hip.  She was breathless when she extended her hand.

“Hi, I’m Taylynn Coleman.  You must be Lance.”

He took her hand and felt electricity sizzle up his arm. He wondered if she felt it too. “Hi, nice to meet you.” He smiled. But that was all he could manage to say.

She smiled that perfect smile she had always had.  I’ll put the twins in Jazzy’s room with a movie. Then we can talk.”

“Okay.”  Why couldn’t he put two thoughts together?  Maybe it was seeing her up close for the first time in 13 years. Or smelling her perfume, which was still the same.  Or just being here, in the same room, where he could talk to her and touch her.

She led him to a sofa in the next room then grabbed the hand of the little guy.  “I’ll be right back.  Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea, soda?”

“Pepsi?” He asked.

“Sure” she smiled.  He noticed it was the same smile that had lit up his daughter’s face moments ago and it captured his heart with memories.

She was so much more beautiful now then he’d last seen her.  Her eyes were still a startling crystal blue, and her hair was still long and blond, pulled into her perpetual ponytail.  But age and life had just made her more beautiful.  She seemed taller, but that was probably because he was shorter.  In fact, he thought, his daughter was probably taller than her.

She came back with two cans of Pepsi and 1 glass of ice.  “They are cold from the fridge, but I thought you might like a glass.” A wistful smile played at her lips. “My dad always did so I always check.”

“Did?” He asked.

Her eyes glistened for a moment and he saw her visibly draw strength to stop it.   Same Tay there.  She never had

liked to cry. In front of anyone, especially someone she tought was a stranger.  “He died last year of a stroke.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.  Just still gets me sometime.  But we have to move on.  So, you want the job as my handyman here. Why?”

“It sounded intriguing and I’m between jobs right now and could use the work.” Thank you, Jacob, he said silently, for preparing me.

“A lot of the projects are small ones. Just things that were only partly finished by my dad.”  She chuckled. “My dad was terrible at finishing things.  You can paint then, cuz there is a lot of it.  Any electrical experience?

He nodded his head, “I enjoy painting.  Very relaxing.  Some electrical experience.  Enough to get by and not get shocked.”

“That should do.  I work from home, so I will be here all day.  My mom comes to pick up the boys at 10 and Jazzy brings them home after school”.  She smiled. “I don’t know how much work you would get done with them underfoot.”

“That does sound difficult” He smiled back.

They talked over a few other job specifics and then, “The job is yours if you want it Lance.”

He smiled, “I’ll take it.” And Lynn’s heart flip-flopped. She felt that smile all the way to her toes.

She walked him out, “I’ll see you at 10” she said hoping she sounded normal. She figured she must have when he

nodded and left.  She closed the door and leaned against it.  When was the last time she had been so affected by a simple smile?  She laughed to herself. Probably not since she met Jazzy’s dad almost 18 years ago.

Her smile faded slowly.  How she missed Landon.  3 kids, a failed marriage and 14 years hadn’t changed that. 

Would the ache in her heart for him ever go away?

She shook off her mood and went to Jazzy’s room “Hey, if you are ok with the boys, I’m going to call your aunt.”

Jazzy looked at her brothers seated in front of the TV watching JUNGLE BOOK.  “I think they are fine for another half hour or so.” She smiled.

“Ok”

“So, did you hire him?”

“Yes, I did. I think he will work out fine.”

“So do I” Her smile was wide.

Lynn shook her head at her daughter, “No matchmaking, young lady.”

“He didn’t have a ring on, mom”

“He could have a girlfriend or a fiancé’”

“So I’ll ask” Her midnight blue eyes, so like her fathers, twinkled.

“Jazzy, I don’t need a relationship to be happy.  I’m content with just you, me and the boys.”

“I know, mom, but they need a dad.”

“I’m not getting into a relationship just to give them a dad.”

“Well, how bout because you fall in love?” Jazzy’s whole look was hopeful.

She tousled her daughters long blond hair and laughed. “That would take a miracle, Jazzy.  But if it happened, then I might be willing to get into a relationship again.”

Jazzy’s face got serious.  “Well, mom, I have been praying for a miracle.  But you have to be open to it happening.”

She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t win. “Look, Jazzy, I’ll be open to it.  But so far no one has made me feel like your dad did. And I tried to settle for less.  Never again.”

“Adam was awful, mom, but not all guys are like that.”

“I know. Look at Aunt Cami.  She got a good one finally”.  Her best friend Cami, had recently married for the fourth time. But this time it looked like she had married a keeper.  “And Uncle Jake and Aunt Savannah have been married forever.  I think those two are the last good guys around.”

“Nah, Mom.  To quote aunt Cami there’s a good one out there for you too.”

Lynn smiled at her ever persistent daughter  “I’m ending  this so I can call your aunt and let her know I hired someone.”

Jazzy smiled and turned over ways in her mind to find out if this cute new guy would be someone for her mom.

Reviews

[Matthew James Ginn]

I adore the plot so far. I can tell that you had fun writing. I had fun reading!

However, there are spots of concern i would like to point out.
Dialogue: The dialogue is kinda flat and lifeless. The exchange of information between your main characters does not have much life to it. Lance sounds like a robot at times. example:" It sounded intriguing and I’m between jobs right now and could use the work". In reality, people do not use "intriguing" and lengthen their sentences in this way. Cut a a bit of the phrase to make it sound like normal people are speaking. " The Job fit me right. Between my other Jobs i have, i could use the
work". Make sure its realistic. In addition, add life to your characters! Don't just have the boring old small talk "im good" "im fine" or "how are you". use Jargon and vocabulary to really distinguish your characters. So far, they sound the same to me. Your dialogue to begin with is great! but readers are looking for attention grabbing dialogue.
Character development: It was really difficult to connect with the characters in this chapter. The protagonist was really just put out there as an ordinary Joe going through ordinary life. Add something that explains the background, and jaw dropping characteristics of your characteristics. You can use dialogue or memory to slowly or methodically built it up. You do not need to do it all at once. Since it is the first chapter. I can not emphasize the point of making good , memorable characters. In additio, CHARACTERS ARE NOT PERFECT. Integrate fears, internal conflicts, comical mistakes, or just random facts that make the character resemble Jesus less and their character more.
Structure: Overall very well. Smooth transition throughout the scene. Minor infringement of plot but hardly noticeable.
Description: Use the omnipotent power of description to your advantage. DONT USE THE PHRASE " She smiled.." " her smile was beautiful" If it is said multiple times in a paragraph its not special anymore. Also, describe landscape more. Use the power of wearer, items, housing, or the environment to set the mood, Its a powerful tool that the reader connects with. They don't even notice.

very proud! Keep up the good work!