Velvet

Some old stuff...

Lay my plans under pale blue sky

Dig my hands in the dirt of days gone by

Gonna swim to the top of the water sun

Try to shoot down the priestess, one by one

Please bury my heart in the velvet rain

Red and blue mix black and green

Her dreams were more than she had made

Don't need a love, just need a slave

Runnin' through the crowded woods

Never the means to anything good

Shovel cold and bloody now

Time to let your defense down

Ten lost souls they try to hide

Fingers commit suicide

Scared of what they haven't risked

Fingers ball into a fist

 

Author's Note

throw grammar to the wind on this one.

Reviews

[funeralmoon]

this one is very good, I love the line fingers commit suicide.
I like the darkness but let it flow let it radiate, it seems controlled in this poem.
but overall very good job.
*Moon.

[Hannah Erickson]

I agree with Legion. I actually heard Bob Dylan reading this one, though I'm not sure he would write something exactly like that. I love the imagery and that you left the details of what's going on up to the interpretation/ imagination of the reader. Great write, love.

[Legion]

Very good. I think this would make a great song. Has an old folk song feel to it (or perhaps hymnal type quality). Good work.

[Rachel DeHart]

Hm. I like this.. though a few lines are a tad awkward.

I do though, adore this line
"Gonna swim to the top of the water sun"
Good poem over all though. :]
I really enjoyed the imagery.