Alone

a tangled mess of emotion

Its dark outside

The house is eerily quiet

Its occupants have long since retired

She sits on her knees in middle of the living room floor

Her head bowed in shame for all that she is

Her palms lay upturned, resting lightly on her knees

 A silent offering to whatever being holds control over her life

She knows it’s no longer her

Her hair falls forward covering her face like a veil

Shielding her from the emptiness that surrounds her

 

She’s falling again

She can feel herself spiraling round and round

A toy boat caught in a whirlpool

 “Throw down the anchor!” she wants to scream 

“Please, someone pull me to shore”

Her body shudders as she breathes

Once there was someone she could lean on

When things got out of hand

Once there was someone to lift her up

To guide her back to her feet

But not today

Today she is alone

Again

She screams

She wants to end it all

Put meaningless life behind

Her forehead rests on the cool floor

As the room spins lightly around her

She's drowning, choking, bleeding

A victim of herself alone

She needs no razor, no bottle of pills

It's internal pain that fuels the fire

She clenches her fist as fear floods her veins

Seizing her very breath

And at the threshold of insanity

She falls

Author's Note

I think more than one conclusion can be drawn from this. I know what mine was, of course. But I feel as if its not completely done. I don't know what else to do with it though. But I suppose not everything comes in a neatly wrapped package. Comments & criticism welcome.

Reviews

[ashley]

-She can feel herself spiraling round and round
A toy boat caught in a whirlpool
“Throw down the anchor!” she wants to scream
“Please, someone pull me to shore”-

Amazing. The imagery in this poem is vivid and perfect. Fantastic job! :D

[Elvina CZq]

Everyone has this kind of moment. Everyone will feel alone and lonely once in a while. In this poem, you've captured the emotions well in a mixing way. I can feel every thorn stings my skin as I read every line. In my opinion, this poem is complete in its incomplete way. I believe when you wrote this, you just let it poured on the blank page without thinking too much for perfection. This is really good. Keep on writing!

[Tina Kline]

A very powerful feeling of desperation and being so very alone. It seems as if a crisis is happening.

[Storyteller of Dimensio..]

Interesting piece. As was already written great use of imagery. Maybe a bit of repetition might help to add to the mood, but that is more what I would do :D
What I really like about this poem is that eventually everybody will get into that position when he/she needs to deal with inner troubles and can't run away from it.

[tennismania]

The first stanza would have to be a fantastic use of imagery. The picture of a lost girl sitting in the middle of the room, hair hanging down before her, was vividly drawn in my mind.

[Ashley Black]

I think this is very well written and i'm not going to tell you how to organize your poetry but i think it would flow better if you broke the stanzas up more like by the flow or structure

Not to be nitpicky (even though that's exactly what I am doing), but "She want's to end it all" ought not have an apostrophe in it. Wanted to get that said and out of the way.

Now, hmm. When you say this does not feel completely done I believe I can see why. There are two lines in the past segment that I feel throw off the mood by just a little too much. The first is "Internal pain will do her in." "Do her in" seems like a very low key choice of words, and you could easily find a much better description.

Secondly, the very last line of the poem. Three simple words, "She finds release." Now often you can say a lot by using only a little, but I think perhaps there needs to be something more here. Something stronger, that leaves a greater impact on the reader. I believe this is where the missing element lies (or perhaps more accurately, where it should lie). Simply saying "she finds release" doesn't bring quite the tone of finality to make the poem feel complete.

It is your poem of course, so I leave any adjustments up to you.