This Wound

When I was cut so very deep

So fast that it forgot to bleed

I barely even felt the pain

As this wound gaped up at me

 

I wondered how it could have happened

How on earth did I earn this?

And could I even continue living

While such a wound like this exists?

 

Then all at once my body shook

Shocking pain went shooting through

As crystal tears spilled down my face

Crimson red gushed through my wound

 

I didn’t know what else to do

As I collapsed and screamed and cried 

Sending urgent prayers to God

In hopes this torture would subside

 

But the pain just builds and builds

I feel it tearing me apart

And there is nothing that can heal

This wound inflicted on my heart

Author's Note

there are so many things attacking me right now i can barely even think... i realize this is probably kind of lifeless and just not very good, but thats just how it came out. if you have any [constructive] criticism, feel free to say so.

Reviews

[Norma M Sutton]

Hi Cattie,
This isn't lifeless. You got the imagery perfect and the shock. I know you are speaking of the wounds to the heart, but that is exactly what a wound from a surgically sharp knife does as well. You don't feel it until you see it gaping at you and then the blood flows and you feel the agony of the wound. It's perfect as it is. Sometimes I think we write our best when we can't think to sensor what we are writing.

[James Watts]

Beautiful. I enjoyed this very much and it was very well written.

[Tina Kline]

I think this is very good. Its a good poem describing the hell of very deep wounds, this one sounded emotional but sometimes cutting can release the build up of pain that makes a person become numb and the wounding releases it. I was thinking this poem was about that at first, but it can go both ways for me as the reader.

[C.J.G.]

Great write! This is truly amazing. Just a couple of things:

You say, "I did’t know"... do you mean didn't? Probably just a typo.

Also, I love where you write "So fast that it forgot to bleed". I think it would be very powerful if you referred back to that are the end. The shock; the whole, "that's to funny I forgot to laugh" scenario.

Either way, this is a very, very powerful poem and I love it. Great job, once again, Cattie! 100/100, no doubt.

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Really I enjoyed the nonspecific, universitality of this poem about the pain of heartbreak. There are so many things that can leave us feeling this way, but we mostly read about love. I felt it was, therefore, very well written!

[Griffin Hill]

Very nice read.

I particularly liked this line/imagery:
When I was cut so very deep
So fast that it forgot to bleed

A great first draft. I’d suggest just editing down the words a bit, but keep the wonderful meaning.

[Undying Glory]

it's not bad. i'm trying to come out with something like this myself. great work

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Its such a sad thing to see someone all alone...left for dead. The visions of your poem haunt me. We see the affliction but there is also life. Hopefully, this sensation coming from the wound is only weakness leaving the body.

[aftervision]

this is the type of razor blade cut that comes so fast that you are two steps in before you realize that you were cut -- nice write my poet

[Jenny Nelson]

Well, first of all, hang in there. I'll be praying for you. Second, I think this really a open, honest, raw, emotional piece that you've done a great job with conveying the feelings. Excellent description.