The Job

The Job

A Poem by Not Afraid of Bruises
"

just a bit of anger...

"

Just a job.

right.

 

my sweat, bllod, toiling

in this heat of anger

and biting back all the curses

that little children should not hear

 

and you,

the boss, the

leader supreme...

 

you see nothing because

I,

am beyond you

untouchable and quietly

leaning into the wind.

© 2008 Not Afraid of Bruises


Author's Note

Not Afraid of Bruises
the basics - flow, detail, etc.

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I knew what the poem was about, because you told me. You had some cool lines in it. You may have went into more detail, but other wise a good description of your frustration. Rain..

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hell yeah!! We must have shared bosses at one time or another. Your flow is good. Your intent seems real, raw and to the point. Go get 'em.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

1. stanza 2, line one... do you mean "blood"? You have "bllod".
2. The flow is a little choppy. I'm not sure if this is what you intended, but, it didn't really work for me.
3. There's a lack of details here. I'm not even sure that I even know what you're talking about.
4. I think that you might want to consider re-writing this...making it longer and increasing the detail, etc. in it. This is okay, but I know that you have the ability to make it amazing. Just give it a shot, maybe it won't work out, but you'll never know unless you try it out.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 5, 2008

Author

Not Afraid of Bruises
Not Afraid of Bruises

somewhere beyond the Tagglewood, RI



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Visit my website at http://www.caseyomalley.com/default.aspx! News: I was accepted for publication at the Sandy River Review (03/29/09)! PLEASE NOTE: I maybe be only 19, but I have been readin.. more..

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