Harvard.

Harvard.

A Poem by Candylove.
"

Something new, and something special. A moment that you can rightfully call yours. :)

"

You god damn ethereal man. 

You've got me dancing with your ghost.

I want you here;

 To reduce down to nothing with you, to sink into the asphalt with you.

I want to talk you down and take off your colors.

Lay me down right next to you and your good graces.

Stop time with me tonight.

Let's get swallowed by the night sky and it's accomplices,

I meant it when I said you were beautiful.

I just know you're there on my heart;

branded, healed, and scarred.

You're worthy of being some sort of stellar,

"you are my star."


 You're the only star in my sky, darling.

You're the only person I want to be with in this world.

Just stop time with me tonight.

© 2011 Candylove.


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Featured Review

There's a sort of distance here that I feel is holding you back from really portraying your emotions or feelings to the readers. I really like conceptually, the ideas here, but they don't ever seem to touch the ground. You need to make sure that the reader has a mental picture of the person addressed in the poem, or else it reads as though it were too narrowly focused or narcissistic. You only give the reader your perspective and you never explain anything about the "you" of the poem, besides that he/she was "beautiful," and had "good graces." The reader needs more. By painting a picture of this person, you can actually say what you want without using narrative, just simple actions. And those actions can be determiners of philosophy or personal feelings. I think you have a lot of talent, and your ideas are very sound. you just need to work on your approach a little bit. Overall i liked this poem, and what it was trying to convey. Hope this helped. Good luck with your work in the future. Thanks

Posted 11 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really like the last line "just stop time with me tonight" - it has the theme of an aubaude - stop time, and the morning light from intruding and breaking the spell. Like the dances with ghost as well. I'm normally against "beautiful" and "heart" in a poem, especially in such close proximity, but I'm just crazy like that lol

Posted 10 Years Ago


i like the emotion just seems there is more here. like it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


HMM This seems to say you have mislaid your friend .I wonder if thats the case I am liking the way you phrase your sentences

Posted 10 Years Ago


A very raw poem. Feels like a poem that you would tell a lover to, while eluding some of your true feelings for them to make them come out about the way they feel.

Posted 10 Years Ago


this poem seems to keep to the norm, and go outside the lines at the same time. i lovve the line about the night sky and its accomplices.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This was a cool poem. I love the way your worded
your thoughts into art and danced right of the page
into ice cold love.

Great write thanks for sharing.

Kelley

Posted 10 Years Ago


Absolutly great poem these lines express anger and the need for his love and the kindnest he can bestow that are his good graces.. so beautiful :
I want to talk you down and take off your colors.
Lay me down right next to you and your good graces.
Stop time with me tonight


AWesome poem Candy going in my favorites

Posted 11 Years Ago


This was great! I can really relate a lot to what's said in here. It has great emotion and not to mention it was wonderfully written! I enjoyed this quite a lot and I can't seem to find anything wrong with it. This was brilliantly written! Good job! I especially love this line "You're the only star in my sky, darling." I'll be sure to read more of your writings!

Posted 11 Years Ago


I really, love this. I like how its so emotional, that the undertones of anger are covered up with love; it truly shows how both are combined in deeper ways.

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on August 13, 2010
Last Updated on January 28, 2011

Author

Candylove.
Candylove.

the 661, CA



About
Hello, I'm Candy. Welcome to my world. :) more..

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