Death Breath.

if you’d like to see the breath of death

turn your eyes to the city streets out(in)side

bleak and dreary, like

winter snow

the fire of ice cold precision, raptured and pale

It render’s me weak in hours of solitude flesh and bone

Strewn across the seas

lingering taste of salt in wounds;

with bodies forever broken,

instrumental ribcages breaking out of tune

and,

dying is fine

Author's Note

abstract piece, so be gentle with reviews, haha.

Reviews

[SonOfPlunder]

Bleak and stark. Right up my street. Nice work

[SmileOfARebel]

Lol. The poem is still wonderful regardless of it being an abstract piece. The following statement I can come to an understanding with, "Strewn across the seas lingering taste of salt in wounds; with bodies forever broken". In my opinion, it probably meant how the severe injury of people who had a bad fate of dying in the sea. Correct me if I wrong if the people actually die in the waters. Nice work, though.

[Dr. Wood ?]

bleak outlook

I hope that this is not the future, though in many ways it may well be the past

Good write though

[sivan]

shew that is a deeply disturbing poem... but i love the dark arts... " and, dying is fine" what a powerful ending

[Dr. Wood ?]

This is so good.....Dying IS fine......as if we have a choice....Make the most of your time here for not one of us knows what is to follow

[Vile]

This is lovely, really. very nice word choise. And I quite enjoy your style of writing. Often times, a poet can have all things going for them, great word choice, diction, flow, tone, but when it comes down to it what drwws me in his someones style of writing. It opens you up to how their mind works in a sort of way, ad thts the most fascinating thing of all. Judging by this piece, you have something that sets you apart from everyone, and to me, thats what every writer needs to find. Well done.

[Rahul]

Powerful write, loved this piece.

[Cool Handless Luke]

with bodies forever broken,
instrumental ribcages breaking out of tune
and,
dying is fine


very poignant. a finely crafted poem!

[Mina Salva]

it's so good written

[Wórdsmíth]

I took the breath....hey, but that wasn't of death breath..lol,
that's a nice piece, well writtn , well expresssed, words in lines are perfectly captured,
good writin'