Forgotten Gift

Forgotten Gift

A Poem by Carlee Cherokeeh

An entry for the 10 Words I Give.

Were singers sent to give away love?
They leave you enslaved under their rhythms and hums.
A forgotten gift, see no space and time.
A flute can either make you laugh or cry.
They grow like okra, as pretty and green.
Sometimes burnt but still as addictive.
A delivery they bring full of your heart's wishes.
Could there be anything as undying and divine?
It is like staying stable in this chaotic fate and plight.
Still they show arrow pointing towards east's sunrise.

© 2016 Carlee Cherokeeh

Author's Note

Carlee Cherokeeh
My very first entry. Please be nice to me. :D

My Review

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There is a lot of promise and some good images in your poem. Well done - it is quite brave putting your first piece of writing out into the world!
I would say it is worth working as all bits of writing are and I know i have to work hard on mine. Getting feedback on a place like this is very worthwhile because people often see what you can't.
One or two things I noticed -
the word hums doesn't work for me (but i know american usage can be very different!)
'they grow like okra' this seems a bit out of place and doesn't relate to the music theme
'a delivery, they bring' should it just be 'a delivery brings'
In general work on the detail, the best words to use (I often cheat by clicking the thesaurus to get alternatives!), grammar, meaning etc
I hope this helps.
You might like to read my story 'The letter' if you have a chance.
All the best,

Posted 7 Years Ago

Carlee, I enjoyed reading your very first poem. It is quite descriptive. Music as well as Facebook can be addictive. All the best with your writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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2 Reviews
Added on March 14, 2016
Last Updated on March 14, 2016
Tags: singers, flute, gift, okra, enslaved, burnt, delivery, undying, stable, towards


Carlee Cherokeeh
Carlee Cherokeeh

Dumaguete, 7, Philippines

I am an aspiring writing and I am very willing to learn and try out new stuff. I accept anyone who wants to be my friend with open arms. more..