The Memories...

The Memories...

A Poem by Carlouse
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Poetry

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      You plant your smile in my mind and your love in my heart...we smile under he stars...and cry in the rain...walk along the silent roads...an escape beyond the midnight horizon...your lips form words i can understand...'i love you...'my lungs gasp for air...my lips tremble for words i can verbalize...we lock eyes click heels and move along...step by step...hill by hill...smile after smile...as the memories get sweeter and their glares get darker and darker...the words pour out their mouths like poison beneath our skin...

© 2010 Carlouse


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I like this poem; however, in saying that I do have to criticize the form. I do not like using "yur" for "your" and "yu" for "you". That's just a personal preference. In addition, I would really like to see this arranged more verse by verse. I feel like it would make it easier on the eyes and the ellipses make it difficult to want to continue reading. It makes you seem either unsure of what to write next or extreme pauses. Neither of which I think you want implied. On the other hand, the emotions portrayed are fantastic and I hope you keep up the good writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago



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1 Review
Added on July 13, 2010
Last Updated on July 13, 2010

Author

Carlouse
Carlouse

Omaha Nebraska, United States Minor Outlying Islands



About
I write to live and live to write...and i like b***s...alot...but yeah get to knnow me ;) more..

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