BEDROOM HOSPICE

blankets and sheets

a straight jacket of comfort

tying my body down

to the two mattresses

stacked on top of each other

that I sleep on at night

bound to my bed

by nothing tangible

but bound nonetheless

trapped inside a prison

of my own design

I know that somewhere

the keys to escape

dwell within

but I can’t seem

to muster the energy

to search for them

and rummage through

the blackness inside

sifting through rank piles

of ugliness stacked high

and crammed deep

in my heart

and lungs

and stomach

and brain

and all the parts

in between

so I stay here

and waste away

stomach growling

body aching

condemned

to this purgatory

I am alive

but suspended

hanging over a chasm of death

staring into the depths

enchanted by its vastness

longing for the permanence

of eternal rest

but settling for this instead

rolling around in bed

day after day

chasing a sense

of relief

or replenished energy

hoping I will feel less drained

if I give myself the chance

to relax

I am restless

but I am listless

and empty

I want more than this

but this is all I can achieve

I don’t want this life

that isn’t worth living

I am growing more tired

and find myself trapped

in a tangle of blankets

unable to free myself

more each week

eventually I think

I may finally fall asleep

and never wake up

just like I’ve been dreaming of

all this time

one of these days

I will stop hanging

over the chasm

and take a leap of faith

at last

Reviews

[Anaisa]

Wow. This one was a hard read for me. Because this was me. This is me. Depression is an ugly thing. It sucks when your bed becomes an island you're stuck in.

[Lost]

Depression is an ugly thing, but it does not make those afflicted by it any less beautiful. Everybody suffering from depression has bad days, weeks, months, etc. but it does not diminish the light inside each individual. It may not always burn bright, but it is always burning. Find things that keep your flame lit, even if it's only barely smoldering at times. You are strong and loved and important :)