As The Crow Flies So Do I

(missing my mum in a nursing home two hundred miles away)

if i curse in verse

would you find it 

out of order?

.

like the borders

of the counties separating

me from my mother?

.

another day, another day

passes and another

no hope for me or

my dearly loved mother

.

sitting in the same old chair

staring at four walls

no visitors allowed

it's the virus you see

two hundred miles away

might as well be three

.

come anyway she says

i don't care if i die

though then i have to explain

and that causes me pain

to tell her i could give

it to others or they could

give it to me

.

conversation on the phone

is stilted unless i do the

talking

.

we are walking on a path

to nowhere it seems

she visits me sometimes

but only in dreams

.

it's easier there, the way

she used to be, dealing with

a fragmented mind

old age is dreadfully unkind

the source of much misery

.

when will i see my mother?

when will i see her again?

maybe you won't

says that inner voice

nagging away, torturing me

maybe, just maybe

you have to accept

that as a reality

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

Chris, this is a very poignant poem, with a lot of desperation and struggle in it. But also love.Having a barrier there which prevents you from seeing your aging mother is a hardship on both of you. This is so true now as a result of Covid. Families are separated for months with only electronics to see them, hear their voices. It’s terribly frustrating . I can empathize completely. A poem with Unhappy feelings is always hard to read.very well written Chris

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you. I wanted to highlight the problem that many of us have in these dreadful times. A universal theme I know Betty. I appreciate your thoughtful review.

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

My pleasure!

[Donna]

This is such a sad poem and I'm sorry you have to be separated from your Mom. I really hope this all will end soon and we can get back to our lives. Talking on the phone I'm sure must be so hard for you. Thoughts and prayers to you!

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Donna for your empathy. So much appreciated.

Chris

[Lorry]

No, I fekn wouldn't Chris. Go on, shock the b****y s**t out of us 😀
Such a sad thought to pen, or even think. That confused minds are getting more so, at not being able to make head nor tail of what is going on, and therefore, their lack of memory becomes a double curse when they forget what's going on and have to live the retelling once more, leading to a spiral of confusion that seems to have no end.
Our Nic up here is hinting at hospital visits restarting and possible staggered visiting in care homes too.
I felt your pain at having to explain why you couldn't just come anyway, for fear of bringing it back with you.
You never do feel so dreadfully grown up, as the moment parent/ child role reverses.
Hoping you get to see her again soon Chris.

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Lorry. Yes, so many are confused and the retelling over and over again is painful. Hope things change soon, I really do.

Chris

[R.E. Ray]

Chris, this has been one of the saddest consequences of the worldwide virus. Here, our elderly are often the forgotten, the ones we store on the edge of town, visiting on holidays and when guilt or free time find us. Even those visits are now lost.

Your poem shows what I believe is probably a universal feeling of many in nursing homes. They'd rather see their loved ones and risk death than live so many days alone, sequestered within four silent walls. I suppose we will eventually have enough of this virus and how it limits our freedom, and we'll take chances because loving someone means more than thinking about them from a distance, whether one block or one hundred miles away. A well crafted timely poem that speaks to millions.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Robert. Sadly our elderly have been heavily impacted by this virus. More could die as a result of this without contracting the disease itself. Thank you for your empathy and thoughtful review.

Chris

[R.E. Ray]

You're welcome, Chris. In our county of 26,000, we've lost about 30 senior citizens to the virus, and most died without family by their side. Sad indeed.

[Chris Shaw]

So sad. Dying alone is incredibly cruel. How awful this disease is. The aftermath of suffering will be huge.mental illness, loss of jobs, poverty. We:ll be talking about it for years. Your county is quite small. I live in a town with a population of, 218,000. You've probably got a very close knit community.

[R.E. Ray]

As we speak, Chris, I'm covered in a rash and blisters on my legs, one arm and neck. Though I'm waiting for the test results, it's probably the virus. We''re fortunate to live in an area with so much family and community support. I called the doctor this morning, and they made time for me two hours later. That doesn't happen here in larger communities. Though most who've had the virus have fully recovered, we have many who survived it but continue to suffer from some of the damage. I pray it's over soon for the whole world.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank goodness you have family and community who can help you and you have been tested. That was one of the earlier problems here, lack of tests. If you got the symptoms you just self isolated along with anyone living in your household and hoped for the best. I wish you well and a speedy recovery from whatever it turns out to be. I will have you in my thoughts. Take care and all we can hope for is a vaccine that will resolve this problem.. It's going to be really difficult to live with the virus. Will change everything we do. All good wishes.

Chris

[R.E. Ray]

Thank you, Chris. I appreciate your kind words. I'm blessed to be relatively young (52) and healthy.

[Chris Shaw]

That's a good start, a good position to be in if you've contracted it. Take great care.

[Lale]

"she visits me sometimes, but only in dreams" this is painful. Dear Christine, this poem is loaded with longing and pain.. I hope this pandemic ends soon so you can see your mom. I hope she's safe and sound.. most importanly, happy.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Lale. There are so many who are experiencing similar at the moment. It is so sad for our elderly who can't see their family.

Chris

[Lale]

You're right..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you make us feel and understand the torture it is to have a loved one in this situation and to not be able to spend time face to face with this person.
so damn sad.

[Chris Shaw]

A universal problem Jacob. So many are feeling what I am and there isn't an easy solution. Sad times, especially for the elderly. Thank you for your understanding.

Chris

[Dave Brown]

bad memories from this Chris
Very difficult times

[Chris Shaw]

They are bad times for so many Dave. Sadly this is a universal concern at the moment. Hoping it will be resolved safely. I appreciate your thoughts.

Chris

[Cassie]

This one tags at my throat and I have no more comment

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Cassie of the smiling face. I am speaking fot many here who are in the same rotten situation. I do appreciate your visit.

Chris