Can You See Me?

Can you see me,
here in the midst of my insanity?
I’m treading water
in the tide pools of my existence. 

My heart and mind
in complete disagreement
over which thoughts
are worth my time and energy. 

Chaos emboldens me,
screaming thoughts of overwhelming emotion,
never releasing their grasp-
yet their clutches are a welcome pain.

I wonder...
Am I truly mad and my mind only a conduit of liquid darkness,
or am I simply in touch
with a deeper metaphysical reality than my peers?

"Overwhelmed"
is the word that others use, and I myself, when attempting
to describe this feeling.
It’s not quite precise enough, but it will have to do.

Betraying motives
seem to propel my beliefs and values into a downward spiral,
creating in me a sense 
of utter abandon that I never intended for myself.

I crave them
These secret longings and sporadically interspersed fantasies
Rotting the core of who I am
And leaving me broken and in denial, with cravings for more.

"Freedom"
The word leaves me bewildered as it’s something I once had,
but no longer do.
I was formerly in control of my mental capacities, 
yet now I am slave to the beat of my own heart. 

Escape is coming.
I will not stay here waiting, expecting a demise that is my own making.
The power rests in my sweat-gripped hands 
and in the palms bearing wounds that reveal healing scars. 

Closer still;
as reluctant surrender takes hold of my innermost thoughts,
I know that I cannot be ruler of them.
Succumbing to weakness, I reach for Strength and trust I’m held. 
No longer will I be subjected to myself.

Peace and Resolve:
The two entities that accompany His tender voice and gentle embrace.
Whether or not I remain tethered
to the night inside of my mind or whether in an instant I’m freed,
I will continue on… for the sake of me.

Author's Note

For more of my writings please visit my website: www.cassieweller.com