ode to dad

a poem i just wrote for fathers day coming up, to put in the card! i hope he likes it, also not sure if finished yet...

Ode to Dad

 

You are the rings inside my tree

You are my past my life my history

Without you I would be nothing

 

From your seed I grew

And even from then I knew

Without you I would be nothing

 

Even when you weren’t physically here

With one word you could swathe my fear

Without you I would be nothing

 

Though I am an adult now

I still hate to furrow your brow

Without you I would be nothing

 

Heaven forbid but when you are gone

In my life, there will be something tremendously wrong

As without you I would be nothing

 

 

Author's Note

was just off the cuff as i don't normally do poetry, written for fathers day, to put in the card. too cheesy? not sure its finished yet either! what do ya think will he like it?

Reviews

[Cat]

As I said I am not a poet and wrote it for fanily not to be printed, I don't think my dad would mind about the periods etc, and well the pauses are at the end of the very short sentences!! Also Challenger needs to proof read his own messages properly before he/she does anyone elses. This is the most unhelpful and nastiest person I have come across in the writing world. I sent a general request for comments so it was not targeted in any way, I have never heard of him/her before and hopefully will never do so again! To everyone else thank you for respecting others works and being constructive.

[AJChallenger]

I won't even give it an attempt until you place periods and commas to control flow. Without them it's a guessing game as to where I should stop reading, pause and what not.

**NOTE. My policy on reviews has changed. I will be happy to review on or two pieces of work, but will do no more without compensation. People are payed to do this kind of thing, don't think you'll get free editing from me.

[Michael X]

i think he'll like it, but it could be alot better, it's cheesy because there's no real
sincere depth, just cliches that i'm sure he has heard many times,
try to be more original, strive for something that your dad will remember
for the rest of his days. not something he'd forget before the ice in a glass of lemonade would melt on a texas summer day. keep it up.

[Kanattas Atir Enomo]

he'll love it. great meaning. although it's not exactly 100% flawless, it's really the emotion behind it and the thought that counts. (ugh. cliches) considering you don't often do poetry, this is pretty good.