Petulant Ocean of Infinity

"Write a poem that has the following words: solace, chasm, twilight, abhorrence, sorrow, silence, and tear." For "The Power of Words" contest.

If betrayal created tempests

he was caught in my monsoon.

His face twisted in disdainful abhorrence

as I retreated to the depths of my ocean,

concealing my shame in a chasm of self contempt.

It took all I had to not end the very life of me,

wishing he’d just penetrate me

with the murderous daggers reflecting in his stoic eyes.

His silence screamed at me,

my soul withering under his stony stare,

shriveling to a mere corpse decayed beyond cognizable distinctiveness.

For the life of me I could not reach the delicate twilight

that had once gleamed from his loving visage,

calming the most angry seas,

the pure solace he wrapped around me just by resting his gaze upon me.

And when he turned and walked away,

the horrific realization lit upon me,

the knowledge that he was abandoning me,

leaving me to drown in this tumultuous spume

frothing at the mouth of an incensed ocean.

I could feel his anger evaporating on moonbeams

his sorrow drifting in with the rising tide.

And my only indication that some humanity

still resided in the core of my rotting quintessence

was the single tear that leaked from my eye

and melted into a petulant ocean of infinity.

Reviews

[Lorraine]

Great descriptions you have here. Every line embodies an emotion and creates impact. This is a wonderful read.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Violet Rose]

Ah. This was purging in its elegance. You truly fit the words in like a puzzle piece. The overall oceanic element fit perfectly with all of the humbling emotions expressed.

Hints and Tips:
"hiding my shame in a chasm of self contempt." How about "concealing"? It may be longer but I always found it to be a slicker word, you know?

[Melissa Kesead]

Wow. I loved the fact that it was sea based and the way it flowed was fitting. I look forward to reading more of your work!

[Mary]

Very dramatic. I love the water imagery. "frothing at the mouth of an incensed ocean."
A little confusing though, there is so much emotion and energy in it, but the last four lines deflate that. Maybe if the contest had been "tears" instead of "tear" the emotion could have carried through to the end. Otherwise wonderful!