A Childhood Memory

Decided to write a short story about a dark moment in my life.

“I want to go live with my dad.” These are not the words any mother wants to hear, especially from her fourteen-year-old son who is still too scared to step up to his stepfather. I uttered those words to my mother and stepfather and for that summer, I lived in regret for every speaking those hurtful words.  I remember the agony as if it were yesterday.  I can remember shaking in pain; my body completely numb from the tips of my hair down to my toes. The verbal abuse, physical beatings became too much to stomach.  I could no longer allow myself to accept feeling this way.  I could no longer come home with a smile only to be called a worthless b*****d; no one deserves that and at that age, no person is strong enough to brush it off. 

 

I think back to a depressing night, one of the worst nights of my life.  I vividly remember hearing my mom argue with my step-dad over me.  I walked into the living room while no one was in there and grabbed a box from the top cabinet.  Walked back to my room, sat on the bed’s edge.  I can still taste the metal in my mouth when I think about it; the taste of death.  A loaded .45 Smith and Wesson rested on my teeth as tears poured down my face. 

 

My breathing sputtered rapidly.  My heart pumped faster than ever before.  Flashes of the people I loved most raced through my mind.  Smiles of my sisters, images from playing baseball and laughter from family members were all light speed dreams streaming through my mind.  I was seconds away from pulling the trigger; I just couldn’t do it.  I set the gun back in the box, rested on my bed and cried for hours.  My two sisters were in their room asleep.  My parents- in their room arguing over a worthless child they did not create together.

 

 I prayed that night, over and over.  I begged for God, if there was a God, to get me out of that situation.  I remember pleading, “Why Me! Why Me!!!!!” It is a night I’ll never forget yet will never regret.

 

I was merely seconds from hell but my guardian angel somehow saved me.  I am grateful for that moment.  I can shamelessly talk to you about it seventeen years later.  I write this hoping that it touches someone, reaches someone in need.  There are better days ahead; suicide is never an option.  Just think about the people you love and how long their hearts will bleed over you.  Had it not been for visions of my sisters crying for me, I would not be here to tell this story.  God works in mysterious ways.  I have been blessed enough to have been saved from self-destruction.  Why?  Well, that purpose I am still searching for.  I am still writing the book of my life each and every day.  Just think of all the memories and how different so many lives would be had I gone through and ended my life that night.  Thank God I didn’t.

Author's Note

Let me know your thoughts...

Reviews

[sereenaoutloud]

such an honest, raw and very personal write Aaron. The mum in me was heartbroken that this is even in your childhood memory bank :(( Just so much to have had to contend with at such a young age. You are correct i have no doubt this will help someone. Thank you for being so open and sharing. The world is a better place with you in it my friend!! Your purpose...just look at your 4 girlies and you have your answer :))

[AaronFreitas]

Awww thanks.... you made my night my friend :)

[sereenaoutloud]

awwww your welcome :)

[Irenic]

a story which is making other solutions visible. Amazing and well written piece.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you irenic... this one is from my childhood... some things no kid should have to experience. Appreciate you taking the time to read my work and leave reviews :)

[Irenic]

Welcome...............................:)

[Willard Wells]

Painful and real as you lived it. We are all glad you stayed to write and become a friend. Your writing alone could be the writing in your book of life. People who murder themselves generally on the first try or two are just looking for someone to help.

You control your destiny and it appears to me your doing a damn good job. Thank you for sharing your pain and your renewed life.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you for your kind words Willard. You are right when you say we control our destiny. Appreciate it buddy :)

[Willard Wells]

Saturday's coming, You stocked up. Or are you going out???

[AaronFreitas]

Actually surprising my girls and taking them to Disneyland!

[Willard Wells]

Cool I took my granddaughter I think 4 times.she was 6,9, 12 and 15 years old. She wanted to work there, but i think she is changing her mind. Have fun and stay safe.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you brother I will do my best :)

[Briana O'Connor]

This is a truly touching story. Them message has a great impact and a breath taking moral. I can fully relate to this story and have experienced it myself. I am truly grateful that you are still here to share this story with us today. Thank you for sharing.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Briana! Appreciate your review my friend :)

[613]

Aaron,

This is so heartbreaking. Unfortunately, my childhood wasn't the best either - beatings, being called "too ugly & fat to have friends" by my Aunt & Uncle; which created a lifelong battle with anorexia & bingeing & purging. Suicide had, at once, been my only option, too.

I started crying while reading this because I could relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing this. You wrote this beautifully. G-d is wonderful! (:

- Brittney

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you so much for your review. I was hoping this piece would reach the right people... people that understand what it's like to go through those hard times as a child. I understand what you went through and no one deserves that. We made it though and here we are connected by an ability to write the feelings that hide inside. Thanks for the review my friend appreciate very much... going to miss you when you leave!

[613]

You're very welcome!

It doesn't have to be "goodbye" forever, you know. :p You can always follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook - wherever my novel is I will be. www.himthenovel.com is where to find me!

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Wow...Aaron, I am speechless for words. If this is a true story, I just want to thank you for opening up, sharing your wounds and scars that may have haunted you for years, that left a big trauma in your heart. I can only imagine what you must have gone through on a daily basis in your family. It must have been painful. But you are so strong, a survivor, and a forwarder of a survivor's tale and courage to keep going on. Because it does get better with time. Thank you so much again.

[AaronFreitas]

This one is a true story... straight out of my childhood. Yes indeed it all gets better with time... I truly believe that. The Senryu Rescue my Soul is in a way tied to this piece... it's a moment when I asked God if He could hear me. Thanks for the review... forgot you hadn't seen this one yet :)

[RAOrourke]

Aaron...such heartfelt emotions and vivid images were felt and seen. I am so sorry you went through this and very happy for your guardian angel. Your words were very thought provoking and the insight you have really shines through your work...I too hope someone will read the pain you went through and let it heal and help them in their time of need. Very well done.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much... glad you read it and thanks for leaving a comment :) We all go through tough times in life... the hard part is leaving it behind so we can move forward.

[Ashadan]

There are better days ahead; suicide is never an option. i like this lines, It is indeed worth reading for a Piece of work. Keep Inspiring people =)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ashadan... appreciate your review my friend. Inspiring people, helping people understand there is a better tomorrow is the hope. :)

[Ashadan]

definitely true, Hope is the best chance of everyone. If hope is there, Things will always find its way out of the difficult situation. =)

[Damien Thibodeaux]

Been there, brother. Thanks for sharing such a personal and dark time. You've captured the rush of emotions that go through one's head at the final moments with this write. Glad you made it out alive.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks Damien... much appreciated review... glad you could really understand where I was coming from.

[KaoticOrder]

I agree with Serennaoutloud, as a Mother it breaks my heart when I hear about parents hurting their children in anyway. I look at my daughter and I know I would rather face death before I let any harm come to her, much less harm her myself. I always get so angry when I hear of people hurting their own children... I have no idea what kind of sick and twisted person could do something like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
You are a very brave and strong soul to endure this and be able to write about it. It takes amazing strength to go through that much pain at such a young age and decide against suicide. I think it's extremely brave of you to write this, someone out there could be going through similar things you did and may have similar thoughts as you did and may come across this and be inspired to live because of your strength.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much KaoticOrder. I appreciate your review and your kind words :) Strength comes in many shapes, sizes and forms... we just have to find it :)

[KaoticOrder]

That is very true. A lot of people look at the traumas and pains in their life and allow it to destroy them, instead of finding the strength to overcome it like you have. I admire you for that.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you... I can't allow it to destroy me :)

[Linda alexander]

“Why Me! Why Me!!!!!
Genuine writing, why me is a poignant question never addressed with respect especially when comes from teens which is very sad situations, suicide can be prevented to certain extent if prayer, supportive system and precautions are taken, Life is a mystery and path we travel also varies. So proud of the writer to write a story intending to help some one in relation to difficult time and suicide situations, hats off to you

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Linda! So many warning signs from suicidal people go missed. It was rough but I made it out and I am who I am today :) Thanks for your review :)

[Linda alexander]

The sad part is that most of the times those who tries for suicides are so talented and gifted souls and they do not realize themselves but whole world knows about their potentials, you welcome, take care

[AaronFreitas]

Yes it is true... many times it's amazing minds that work uncontrollably and they cannot find a way to relate to others and find themselves alone. It's sad.