My Own Prison

Here is a poem that hits close to the heart on dark, depressing days.

I can no longer look in the mirror,

The sight of this face disgusts me.

I can no longer live life in fear,

Fear of the mistakes that plague me.

 

Struggle to produce a perfect me,

Perfection, just a mystery.

Chasing dreams far from reality,

The root cause of my misery.

 

I have become a slave to my many wrong doings…

A slave to depression, heartbreak and my demise.

Temporary love, hatred, pain and temptations;

I have created my own prison through my lies.

 

Choices in life come back to haunt me.

 Extricate this curse from my soul.

Break these cuffs to regain my freedom,

Too late, self-pity takes its toll.

 

In this lonely prison some call life…

I take it one day at a time.

Until air no longer fills my lungs,

And I crumble away and die.

Author's Note

I used a 9,8,9,8 ; 9,8,9,8 ; 12, 12, 12, 12; 9,8,9,8; 9,8,9,8 format for this write. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[BougaTimeBongo]

I have to agree with Jaycee - the metered structure and the rhymes flow well, you've done a nice job with creating a natural read, none of the rhymes feel forced nor does the timing. This is a dark, dark place you come from and I can understand that. I have read a couple of your pieces now, and it does seem that you delve into the dark more often than not. I would love to read some lighter pieces that incorporate the skills you clearly have with structure and rhyme, or free verse - I like free verse lots too.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you I appreciate your review very much :) I will work on a lighter piece... most my stuff does tend to be on the darker side.

[Sydney]

That's ok, consistency is a very good trait

[Arjun Singh]

I wouldn't call myself qualified or experienced enough to try nd find faults.... But d little knoiwledge of poetry I posses makes me fell dt did is indeed a groundbreaking nd creative write...
Really lv it coz i cd relate to it...
Keep writing such gr8 pieces... :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Arjun... this is my personal favorite. I put the most thought and most time into this write... glad you enjoyed it so much... thanks buddy!

[Reveal]

The words are working with movement. Love it.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Reveal :)

[Divya]

I am not a very experienced writer and know nothing about format as you mentioned. Your poem is beautifully written and shows deep depression and a disappointment with self.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Divya :) Yeah this one is a personal one that I put a lot of time and thought into... I am glad you enjoyed it :)

[Cassie]

This is good Aaron, most people can relate to this. Dont be too hard on yourself though. We have to make mistakes to be able to write poems and be better at everything. Good job as always

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Cassie :) Appreciate your feedback... and I'll try my best not to be hard on myself :)

[Terrence Chang]

Great write buddy. Especially the second last stanza captivated me the most

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Terrance I appreciate it :)

[Jennifer]

I like it. The structure is eye catching. I love the poem. This to me defines the emotion behind OCD.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Jennifer :) Definitely could be :)

[Kshitij Srivastava]

Precise , relatable and dark. Maintaining the flow and natural sounding rhymes under such a format is commendable. Great job, buddy 👌😉

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you... put a lot of thought... actually wrote this poem in free verse then turned around sat on it for a week then re-worked it. Sat on it another week and formatted it the way it turned and then finally shared it. I put a lot of work but it was worth it :)

[Kshitij Srivastava]

No wonder, the writing was so amazing!!

[alf]

Great write. I liked the format, finding it added impetus to the lines, then settled back to flow through to the end. There is so much emotion in here, and fades away on the dying notes of acceptance and futility. Love, this my friend!!! A great write!! alf

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much alf... I really appreciate your kind words. This is a write that I put a lot of effort and thought into... I kind of wanted to do a poetry book with this the theme or title poem and I had to dig deep to find these words :)

[alf]

Then, my friend, your shovel was well sharpened, for this is such a great write!!!

[GreenEyedPoet]

I relate to this so much, I've felt all of these things/been down these paths and none of it is fun.
I am so glad I'm done with those kinds of days and am onto better and happier days.
Its a dark piece [not that there's anything wrong with dark, as that is my usual style haha] but written very well Aaron!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ashley! It is my usual style as well. I put a lot of thought into this one and it means a lot that you enjoyed it :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

You're welcome. :]

[Bluefire]

Very creative, I think the wording and the format are gray as the clouds on a gloomy day, melancholy yet sparkling. Like the rain or the bars of a prison.
Well done!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Bluefire... this one is a piece I put a lot of thought and effort into so I am glad you liked it :)

[Bluefire]

It shows, I give it five stars!