Untitled

Just some things that came out... no punctuation just read it fast and keep the flow :)

Is it me or is it you

Complications from the truth

You should have lied

You should have tried

To fill the soul with many lies

 

The truth can kill

And lies don’t heal

They ease the pain before the kill

You broke my trust

Teased with lust

Made me feel

What was never real

 

A sickening feeling

Deep inside

Hearts on fire

Burning bright

You won me over

With lustful screams

Then slowly drowned

Away my dreams

 

My heart was blind

My sight alive

Could not see past all the lies

Too blind to see

Too dumb to read

All the signs

In front of me

 

Now I’m alone

I should have known

To never trust you

In my home

You failed to see

The good in me

And now you’re just

A memory

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know your thoughts... thanks

Reviews

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Hmmm... As for the poem, i think its very well done. As for the meaning...now i'm speaking, based on personal experience... Well, i'd only write poems like this, if my relationship with someone i love would break. When someone i love...or to pick up the poem's atmosphere a little better, someone i used to love shatters my heart. Anyhow, you did great.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you IM.... I appreciate your review :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome:)

[Brielle Cartny]

I really liked this a lot! The truth really can kill at times. Sometimes it is hard to listen to. Very emotional piece

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Brielle... I like the emotion filled writes as a reader so when I write I try be bring emotion, honesty and feelings that others will relate to. Most the time it's just mini pieces from my life... but it's not always that dark :) Appreciate your review

[Gabby Nieves]

Nice rhyme scheme here, easy to read. Thank GOD you can spell correctly. bless

[AaronFreitas]

lmao... I understand what you mean with spelling correctly lol... appreciate the review new friend :)

[Real Inspiration]

This is amazing! Incredible perfection put into simple words!
I honestly admire your writing!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you KyRae :)... you made my day with your comments! I appreciate it very much... gives a purpose when you know someone out there connects with my thoughts and likes it :)

[Real Inspiration]

Anytime. Always here to read and comment, as I've told many others as well.
It's nice to know that I make your day. Knowing that, makes my day!

[Shawna]

Very nice Aaron :) I like the no punctuation, it had a good flow without it. Some poignant emotions that come out of a break up and betrayal. I really enjoyed it, I'll have to read more of your writings

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Shawna... appreciate your review very much and would love for you to read more :) Send me read requests on anything you'd like me to read :)

[Carrie.]

I love this one.

"To dumb" should be "too dumb".

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for catching that... I missed that one. Thanks Carrie I'm glad you loved it :)

[Jeyanthi]

The flow reciting a bad memory, and its very well done.

I too like the rhymes you made here. :)

[Jeyanthi]

but i was wondering why you titled as untitled. :P

[Emily]

the flow and structure of this poem is very nice Aaron! you can feel it moving through stages of emotions. Great job!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Emily... I think I got lucky it worked that way as far as working through the stages of emotions :)

[....................]

Sometimes the best writes come flying out with no time to pause... that's how this piece feels to me; a blur of emotional lines describing being undone by the one you thought was the one. A good write, Aaron!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much LT! I appreciate your review my friend. Thanks!

[613]

This flowed extremely well! A lot of people don't know how to rhyme & have their words come across as fluid - like both the rhyming & the timing of the words go together. You were flawless with that.

As for the actual content of the poem, very sad! But written with skill.

- Brittney

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Brittney :) Appreciate your kind words.... much appreciated!

[613]

You're welcome!

[marcus]

those who don't appreciate us for who we are, aren't worth wasting our time on!

[AaronFreitas]

Agree my friend... couldn't have said it better :) Thanks for your comments