Fade (Senryu)

Fade (Senryu)

A Poem by AaronFreitas
"

My attempt at a Senryu

"

Needle hits the ground:

Falls to his knees scared of death,

Eyes close, fade away.

© 2015 AaronFreitas


Author's Note

AaronFreitas
Let me know your thoughts... first attempt I have posted. Worth a try

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Featured Review

Aaron: Couldn't imagine trying to write 17 syllables; in addition, the content. You hit me between the eyes with a powerful write, the visual is stunning. You should be proud. Very well done indeed. To fall and be in fear of death, wow, imagery is so emotionally powerful, I'm probably silly, I'm wondering what was he writing when the pen dropped. Great writing. Thanks. Dale

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thanks very much Dale... the secret can't be revealed lol ... appreciate your review my friend :)
Confuser

8 Years Ago

You're welcome Aaron: Wouldn't help me one tiny bit! Awesome...;D



Reviews

all the parts are there, makes sense
I'll accept it as a poem though I do not concur with the subject matter

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

I hear ya and I don't either... it's not a biographical... actually the idea came from the show The .. read more
it is genuine,and as good as any I have read

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much wordman... made my day right there :)
 wordman

8 Years Ago

you are welcome
Nice piece no matter the form.. And it leaves me wanting more. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much... it's a tragic topic... one I'm sure we all see someone or hear of someone we .. read more
It's a senryu, Aaron, and an intense one at that. The form is the same but Haikus are about nature while senryus are about human emotions. A great write...

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thats exactly what I was trying to figure out... I read on a website difference between the two... I.. read more
Few words, a glimpse into the dark side!
Always put out good work my friend,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

A dark side in 17 syllables... was a little tough but was thinking of someone overdosing on heroin.... read more
captures the feel of fear and pain in 3 short lines, nice work.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much :) Yes indeed... fear and pain in 3 short lines... different write for me but s.. read more
Wow...want to hurt yourself? don't. I'm sorry not in the mindset to talk someone out of suicide...but don't do it. Nice write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

haha no don't want to hurt myself... it's just a poem about someone overdosing... nothing to do with.. read more
Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

Oh...okay. I've been worried for a minute...
AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

haha nah I'm good :)
This is a good write,
if it was longer it would be a better write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thanks... maybe I'll expand on this one :)
Zac

8 Years Ago

That would be cool
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613
I visualized either a junkie or someone committing murder. Either way, it worked.

- Brittney

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

613

8 Years Ago

Sure thing!
AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Appreciate the review by the way :)
613

8 Years Ago

Anytime. :D

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2375 Views
69 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 30, 2015
Last Updated on May 1, 2015
Tags: senryu

Author

AaronFreitas
AaronFreitas

CA



About
I love to write, most my work tends to be on the darker side. I write from my heart and tend not to mess with it too much. I guess sometimes I write and post without focusing on what everyone else w.. more..

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