Autumn Falls

You're a really good writer for your age. You have an understanding of setting the scene and character building and already I can see your voice emerging. I enjoyed the playful tone of the chapter and of your character.

A few suggestions for improvement:

Be careful not to start most of your sentences with "I" when you're writing in first person.
Try to change up your sentence structure a bit.
The chapter length is pretty long. Most people find it difficult to dedicate so much time on one chapter, especially online.

I think you really have something here. I like the interaction between the two main characters at the end and I think readers will enjoy seeing how it develops. Definitely keep writing this story!

Posted 12 Years Ago

You're a really good writer for your age. You have an understanding of setting the scene and character building and already I can see your voice emerging. I enjoyed the playful tone of the chapter and of your character.

A few suggestions for improvement:

Be careful not to start most of your sentences with "I" when you're writing in first person.
Try to change up your sentence structure a bit.
The chapter length is pretty long. Most people find it difficult to dedicate so much time on one chapter, especially online.

I think you really have something here. I like the interaction between the two main characters at the end and I think readers will enjoy seeing how it develops. Definitely keep writing this story!

Posted 12 Years Ago