Stamps of Sin

The title says it all!

Stamps of Sin

Humanity marches

One foot in front of the other

Boots stamping out a rhythm

That seems to never break

Troop, troop, troop

 

Humanity marches

In rows of single file

Along a path of wrongs

That never seems to be cleansed

Troop, troop, troop

 

Humanity marches

The line broken

As quarrel breaks out

A routine that seems to be a given

Troop, troop, troop

 

Humanity marches

Clothed in sin

Breathing in filth

Troop, troop, troop

 

 

 

Author's Note

This poem, I have no idea what to make of it. Just being a teenager, I always see the world as the same. All my teenage friends wear the same clothing, hoodies and jeans! That seems to be a uniform. Also it seems to be uniform to be mean. Humanity seems to get off on just pure evil. So I wrote a poem about always marching to the drums of evil. Never stopping and looking around! Also about the effect, it kind of leaves a stamp on you of evil. Or a tattoo kind of thing! Please review! Also I'm trying a new style, using stanzas, so would you mind giving me a bit on what you thought of them? Thanks (:
Thought I'd also mention, not my picture.

Reviews

[Liza]

clothed in sin is good trigger title....
the actions to protect seem wrong but when goodness stays silent - terrorism flourishes....america fights for her freedoms; every night we feel safe to go to bed; remember some aren't so lucky....unfortunately our troops have to sacrifice their freedom for ours....protecting our life of sin....

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem could mean many things. The military is uniformly. The deeds of Armies are filled with filth and sin. Even the common people do the same. Work, eat and pay bills. A wise person marches to their own dreams. A interesting poem. You made me think today.
Coyote

[David W Moore III]

Very percePtive. As a race the general masses will follow the person in front of them with littlequestioning (there are a few exceptions of course) irfan be maddening to those that shout, "Stop, look what you're doing" and the next person steps iup and repeats... Overal nice flow and the repeats bring emphasis. My only small suggestion is the repeated troop. I think I see where you weregoing with it. But it might be more effective to use "tromp" or ""stomP". Up to you of course!
Otherwise, very mature writing for a 15yr old. Well done.

[Jim Parson]

I'm a fan of stanzas, just so you know. I don't really do poetry, I didn't really read it much until joining here and I don't have a clue what it's supposed to look like, nor do I really care. I just know if something speaks to me when I read it. Most of your stuff does, including this. I do want to make one suggestion, which you can take or leave...this is your place to do with as you please. I don't think you really need to explain your poetry in such detail in the author's note. Every write means a little something different to every reader and when you explain everything, it takes that discovery away from the reader. But you know I love your stuff anyway!

[Margaret Marie Hubbard]

Hmm....I can picture myself standing in the corner of highschool watching all the kids march together again while I sit silently. Provoked a thought I haven't had in a while.

[trainwreck]

Thats an interesting write. I don't know if I agree, but its well written. Your stanzas weren't bad at all, but it'll take some practice to get it write.

[J Michael Simmonds]

I can see what your saying. Its a fairly good way of saying we follow one another like sheep hoping the person in front of us gets it right. When they don't we berate them and accuse them of not being good role models when we're exactly the same as them. It shows the real truth of humanity. As the title states we are clothed in sin. We need the pefect leader to guide us.

[Writer *78*]

This poem brings everything your saying in the description and more. The imagery is flawless. Seems to bring the word rebel to mind. It brings us back to a time where we rebeled against society and became one with our selves, our inner self. Very well written can't wait to see more.

[Princess3Morag]

I like the description, it's a very clear image and I like the message :)

[E.H. Monroe]

Nah, its true and the f*****g band leaders are Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian and asshat d****e clowns like Tucker max. When we all play harps and watch them march into the levels of hell I'll be high fiving st michael and pissing in their opne mouths...

WHOO HOO

[Moflo]

This was very nicely written. The imagery is fantastic and I love the repetition. Very very nice write. Great job.