Blanket of White

Blanket of White

A Poem by Chelsea
"

A boys mother dies.

"
Previous Version
This is a previous version of Blanket of White.



Blanket of White

Ambulance screams across the city

The sirens  

 

Her heart takes a final breath

Ambulance fails

 

A woman’s body now lies upon a stretcher

Covered in a white sheet

 

The sheet stained with salt

As her life is remembered

 

Her little boy tries to wake his Mom

By shaking her shoulders

 

He cries and pounds his fists

As he’s restrained

 

Let her go,

A voice whispers

 

She’ll always live within you,

A finger points to the little boy’s broken heart

© 2011 Chelsea


Author's Note

Chelsea
Please review.



Featured Review

This is pretty sad Chelsea. I do have a suggestion for an improvement. The line that reads, "Her heart takes a final breath" could possibly read, "Her lungs take a final breath." It just make more sense. A heart can't take a final breath. It's my only suggestion on how to improve upon your writing. I do have an exercise for you to try to help your writing. I would like to see a poem with rhymes that talk about your own religious beliefs, and how they shape your life today. That would make for an interesting poem.

Posted 13 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Was it the words of Christ to confide the boy who just lost his mother and to remind him she will live in his heart forever because that is what I tell my self when It came time to let my own Mother go home to be with God. We are here for a visit but we be with God Forevermore.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Good job . you really stirred up emotion here. A powerful dark topic that really strikes though anyone's heart . good choice of topic and good execution. Your writing is improving keep it up ! . Only one complaint. try to use some more adjectives if they fit. they would color this up.


Posted 12 Years Ago


So emotive, tear inducing! This is a brave and honest write that leaves the reader moved and actually will linger for a few hours of this day! lol
That is a job well done love!
Great poem
xx

Posted 13 Years Ago


aw this is so sad and sweet i loved this poem its my favorite excellent job :D

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

why so sad? but good


100/100

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

well done, a lot of emotion in the end. i love when i can feel it, it just makes the experience of reading your work so much better. tragically beautiful. shrouded in mystery (how did she die? what's the story? etc.) J'adore!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I swear, this made me cry. It was very well written, and I am looking foward to spending my night catching up on your other works.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is sad and good hope to see more of yer writing:)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Has alot of good imagery


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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5 Reviews
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Added on February 22, 2011
Last Updated on February 22, 2011
Tags: blanket, white, heart, ambulance, boy, stretcher

Author

Chelsea
Chelsea

Canada



About
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. - Carl Sandburg Hello! Thank you for checkin’ out my page on the café! My name is Chelsea or Chels. I’m fifteen years old, your .. more..

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