Introduction ~ Tuning

This is the introduction...

      "Hey, look! There's Mrs Field's cookies at this mall. Let's go and buy some!" Isabella Swift said. She is a cookie fan, if you saw her at anywhere, she would be definitely be eating cookies. "Oh great, here it comes." Kate Walker murmured. She knew that everytime Isabella was choosing cookies, it would be taking a long, long time. She would say "Mmm.. this one is good, but that one is much more creamier." Kate said pulling her on one side "Maybe next time and we still need to buy our decorations for our classroom. You know if we don't buy it. Miss White would scold us."  "OK, I'll buy it next time."Isabella said, looking disappointed.

       Kate and Isabella were best friends, everyone knows that in the whole grade, nothing could make a single change of their friendship. No one know why they would become best friends, they were very different. Isabella was very talkative and Kate was quite quiet and shy. Isabella was very good in P.E, but Kate was a book worm. They always helped each other and faced all difficulties. They were very good friends...

Reviews

[MrStringer]

Lovely start! I hope that you use 'tuning in' in your future writing. Love it!

[Fontane Wong]

Tuning! Since the last time I've read the tuning in the book "The Winter Room", I haven't see any writing that contains a tuning in it. And you did. The only thing is that your tuning is a bit too simple and short, I think readers would like to read a longer and more descriptive tuning that they can know how the story is based on. You can even add some more things about yourself. Remember the tuning that we read in "The Winter Room"? It talks about smells, taste and even the sight of the farm. I'm sure you can do that too. However, it's a great tuning. ^_^