Immaturity

First piece I had written in awhile that was inspired by personal events: my girlfriend broke up with my and I fell apart... I let it leak into my writing for a little bit.

When I went to the doctor’s appointment at noon,

I couldn’t find a shoe with a long enough shoelace

so they had me tie up with a tourniquet laced from your words.

A bunch of “What your worth..” and “I’m sorry’s..” 

cutting off circulation to my heart and my brain

and to pause the process of you making me feel insane, for a second.

So that I can breathe for a second.

They wiped the spot with a prep pad and 

they should have lied and said

that this will only sting for a second 

but at least now you’re clean for a second.

but they didn’t and before I could even scream, the next second, 

they ignored where they wiped on my arm

and stabbed me right in the chest, to the left of my heart.

And then I realized it wasn’t a syringe filled with reassurance,

it was a clamp with your name engraved as the brand and

they used both hands to open up my rib cage and

they grabbed flashlights to take a look inside.

They started pulling on a bunch of things including all times we tried.

Of course, I asked questions, like why the f**k is this happening,

but the doctor just said this happens to everyone, we take turns

but they’ve got to do it this way instead 

since I have bad health insurance.

And in the mirror, I saw my beating organ, 

that also has your name carved in it, and

for a second I thought I had lost it, 

but no, 

it’s right where you left it when you tossed it and said 

you didn’t want it anymore.

The doctor told me to think back and relax, and talk about

all the good memories we had, 

so I listened and named off lists and 

began to cry because I never thought you and I

would ever come to this.

But of course, if I knew this then I would have done everything different..

But with every secret that I hissed through my teeth,

he used a vacuum and sucked out every crimson drop

to every leaking memory.

I begged him to keep going.

Because I promised that I’d never leave you

and I kept my promise but I didn’t ask you to return the favor 

because I trusted you with both my eyes shut, 

and now it doesn’t matter because you forgot why it was me you loved

and I’m here to forget you.

But just when I think this procedure was worth it, 

the doctor panicked slightly and said, “S**t, I reversed it.” 

and instead of erasing all that you and I were, it

got rid of everything else but this.

I didn’t realize I had lost my reason to live

until I had realized how much of myself I had given you,

now I’m just an empty shell that is never

going to be able to stop thinking about you.

Now instead of thoughts on how to get over this,

I’m just going to obsess over all the things I did wrong

and all the pieces of me I lost with every kiss.

People tried to warn me about a heart being broken

and I ignored them, but the doctor felt bad still

took out the clamp and put down the stencil,

and claimed this is why this appointment wasn’t written in red pen,

it was written in pencil.

Reviews

[Kat]

Ouch, I can feel the pain of every word. Sorry for your loss and I hope that you are doing better now.

[fatkat bonehead]

Thank you but yes, times have been getting better. This piece was written almost a year ago during some very rough times but I can gladly say my girlfriend and I are still together, and still very much in love. :) Thankyou..