Cage of Kindness

Something I wrote to express the fear I have of complacency

There had never been a moment where she had felt so at peace with herself. Looking out in the distance, she could see how far she climbed. Though superficial, she felt as though that achievement was enough. For once, something was enough. She hadn’t come with anyone, nor had she told anyone she was here. This scene, the blue horizon, clouds lightly dancing atop the faded mountaintops, the sun leaking out in golden streams, flowing seamlessly after the clouds, partners in a morning rhythm. This was her moment,and hers alone. Rightfully so, because she felt more empowered, and more free with every step she took. Eventually, she felt the ground beneath her soften. She tiptoed across the clouds, letting her body move freely. In  moment of giddiness, she set her whims in motion and they took off into the blue horizon, spiraling upwards like the shavings of an apple peel. After years of living inside herself, she began to laugh, showing no restraint as if she were a child! Perish the thought.

The wind before had been softly blowing, allowing her golden hair to caress her face. A soft touch she so desperately craved. Now, it had become forceful, her hair wasn’t caressing her, but acted as a whip slashing and tearing at her delicate skin. She looked down and saw her son, the poor disfigured creature, born of the stupid, ugly father. Akin to the skin worn raw by her hair, part of her was torn. She felt so, effortlessly herself. Something she could never feel around her husband. Someone who, honestly? had never cared. Not because he was  bad person, but because he loved her so much he needed her. He was so desperate for her love, he surrounded her in superficial kindness, and couldn’t release her from the cage he created. She closed her eyes, and thought about her son, descended from the clouds and returned to the desk she had in her home office.

Author's Note

The keys on my keyboard are broken. If it is missing couple A's, forgive me.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is killer powerful writing & I thank Juliespenhere for RRing me. I started out reading this like the narrator had climbed a physical hill, then it gradually morphed (stepping into cloud) to the idea of this being the description of dying, then it morphs again to the idea that one's wildish nature is being recaptured. This flow of ideas was so organic, very enjoyable -- that was all in the first paragraph. Then the second paragraph is equally transforming, except that our perception of her cage keeps morphing. The title becomes more & more clear, so powerfully written, I've been in that f*****g cage myself too many times (which is why I'm never-married at almost 63). A beautiful tapestry of whimsical descriptions along with a gut-punch of an underlying message (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Noemi]

Your comment just made my day, thank you! I'm so glad my writing moved you.

[Samuel Dickens]

Barleygirl is one of the best reviewers on this site, so you might place more trust in her review than mine. I say that because I'm not quite as impressed with this as she.While your first paragraph is easy to read and understand, the second is just the opposite. There are problems with punctuation and poorly worded sentences that left me scratching my head in confusion. I'm trying to be honest and helpful and not mean, so I hope you're not offended.

[Noemi]

On the contrary, I love constructive criticism. Thank you so much, I'll definitely think about how to improve on that on the next piece I write. I only wish I knew anything about writing so I could do the same for you!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Ps I’ve sent a read request to several mates

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

My oh my this is so beautiful exquisite and I love it 🥰 thanks so much it’s truly wonderful!

[Noemi]

Wow, thank you! I'm so glad you took the time to read my writing.