what you did

what you did

A Poem by chr66is

today my heart was ripped apart

in countless little pieces,

strewn about the parking lot

so sure, but not quite right this situation

pulled up in my driveway

had to ask you one more thing

i hoped would somehow bring

a bit of solace or relief,

or validate my sad belief

that there could ever be

or had ever been

an us like i had wished

a million times

i came inside, not dark at all

but all the power’s out

how fitting,

found my house a quiet shell

still hopeful but i still decide

to yell, and then you

finished off my soul

with just a few short beeps

i didn’t want to look but did

and now i’m feeling like a creep

who’s been deluded and rejected,

my heart both broken

and infected

i can’t see you,

(i) feel smaller than

the mice you said you’d killed

i never want to see you anymore,

i’m feeling that defective

how could i have been so wrong,

how could you have not been right?

-CV

© 2008 chr66is


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

A true and emotional piece of work you've shared with all.
I enjoyed reading this.

Posted 14 Years Ago


nice job!.....I think I experienced this at one time or another!

Posted 15 Years Ago


Hi Chris
I like the style of this writing. Good rhythm throughout. Love
situation pulled up in my driveway
not dark, but the power's out how fitting (don't think you need "at all" at all :))

What about "I'm a creep" instead of using feeling?
Love heart infected and mice analogy.

I read that your goal is to be published. There is a poetry critique site with lots of published poets/writers giving free critiques if you're interested. Many offer feedback on a line-by-line basis and this is very helpful to have from more than one reader/writer, often pros.
Best
Hattie

Posted 15 Years Ago


i feel like i lived this moment,
it's seems almost like dueling with yourself.
nice write.

Posted 15 Years Ago


I really love the imagery, mixed with emotion in this poem. It feels dark and broken, and yet real and honest. Nice work.

-R

Posted 15 Years Ago


out of darkness you sculpted something really worth reading

Posted 15 Years Ago


very emotional piece... i felt so sad when i finished reading this...the writing is fantastic...


Posted 15 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

502 Views
7 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 23, 2008
Last Updated on August 23, 2008

Author

chr66is
chr66is

St. Louis, MO



About
39 year-old social worker, writer, musician, and visual artist. My interests include accessing the collective unconscious as often as possible, sobriety, poetry, yoga, indoor climbing, tattoos, readi.. more..

Writing
fog. fog.

A Story by chr66is


free free

A Poem by chr66is


gone gone

A Poem by chr66is