My Special Lady

Just playing with poetry. Having a little fun.

Her kiss sweeter 

than honey
Her eyes sparkled 

like diamonds
Her beauty was clear,

there's no need to fear.

It would have 

been a crime

Not completely

out of line

if I did not ask

if she had the time

Her skin was soft

and smooth as silk
and she had a smile

that lit up all the while

with lips as red,

as cherry wine

She could laugh 

she could cry,

I will not lie,

It's the twinkle 

in her eye
that made me sigh

She gave me a chance
To ask her to dance
And now I can see
Why she wanted me
To take her home
So she was not alone

I found true love,

I found my best friend,
I knew she was mine,

I didn't need a line,

If someone should ask,

I am up to the task

How to end this rhyme
In perfect time
When I awake
She will not forsake
The gleam in her eye,
would never lie

Where am I now?

Please don't ask how,

She came to this place,

not to invade my space,

She only wanted a home,

where she was not alone.

Author's Note

Nothing special. Just enjoy.

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

Hi. This poem has a relatable quality. The grammar is strong, and the theme identifiable. Should you want to strengthen the piece, I would recommend analyzing the lines and breaking them into smoother sections. A poem does not have to be flat out rhyming to have a good beat. I shall give you an example in the first stanza, of changing the flow. Take my advice or not if you wish, I shall not be offended, and if you do not want such advice, then
please let me know and I will not intrude again.

Her kiss was sweeter
than honey;
Her eyes sparkled
like a diamond.
She was so beautiful
it brought me to one knee

It would have
been a crime
(and) I would have
felt like a dummy
If I didn’t ask her
to chime in ...

I am not saying you have to follow my thoughts exactly, but trying to give you an example of taking the same words and rearranging them to have a different tempo. I hope that makes sense. I rarely go out on a limb and interact on such a level. Forgive me if I have over stepped.

[Chris A Jones]

No that is great. I prefer the critique. It helps me see where I can improve. Thanks for your input. It is indeed very helpful.

[Lyn Anderson]

I am glad to be of help. :)

[Chris A Jones]

I decided to go with a bit of a different twist. Let me know what you think if you have the time.

[Lyn Anderson]

I think you did an excellent job of revising this -- with the same intent but a better flow.

[Chris A Jones]

Thank you!

[Johnson Bobby]

this very nice and loving arnest and true!

[Chris A Jones]

Thank you.

[Valentine]

Sounds almost like a marriage proposal. Valentine

[Chris A Jones]

Huh! I'll have to remember that if I ever decide to propose.