Can't say Goodbye

A poem to my father who is currently suffering stomach cancer. I love you, daddy!

Can't say Goodbye

I think of the many things,

we never got to say

or how much you mean to me.

Why has there been a wall

between us?

Why have I felt so far from you?

Your days here are coming to an

endless nightmare

wondering just how much you'll

make it.

I want to lash out and fight for you,

I want you to be here with me.

I can't let you go,,

because I need you here with me.

I've lost so much in my past,

I've made so many wrongs

and there's not enough

apologizies to make me feel

at peace.

What little memories I have

is what runs through my mind.

The very thought of losing you

is driving me into an unknown fear.

I never understood and 

under appreciated you for all that you've done,

but this time I'll do better

and make you proud.

Please, don't go.

Please don't leave me, behind.

I'll never forget at 5 

you taught me to tie my shoe,

at 16, you warned me where to step.

Now I'm old enough to know,

but you still bow down

to tie them again,

as if I was 5 once before.

When I see your frail hands,

and your smile,

all I want to do is capture

the moment

and never let it go.

I know I've disappointed you,

but if you stay 

I promise to make you proud.

That is all I ever wish for you.

When you said you didn't want 

to fight anymore,

I wanted to respect your wishes

but my heart is slowly dying inside.

I can't imagine my world without

your laughter,

without your smile

and without you at all.

I just can't say, Goodbye.

(c) Chong Kim, 2012

I love you, daddy!  I love you very much!

Thanksgiving 2012

Reviews

[Dr. Wood ?]

the sadness that engulfs us all at some time in our lives........I lost MY Father over 10 years ago now..But he is still alive within me

[Samuel Dickens]

I can see this from both sides, and it's very touching. From the standpoint of this father, I will always accept my children, no matter how disappointing they might be. I would think it might be the same with your father, even if he won't or can't admit it. My relationship was very "iffy" with my mother, so when she died fairly young, there was so, so much left unresolved. Life is often difficult.

[Chaos_Collector]

This is certainly a heartfelt poem. I can tell you've poured many emotions into this. I only hope that your dad will be okay and everything be turn out for the best. Best regards to you and your father!

Chaos_Collector