Always take suicidal comments very seriously.

Another assignment from my CW class. Wasn't reviewed by my classmates, so let me know what you think.

I hear myself

breathing.

Who else does?

 

There is a place,

Nowhere,

that is white.

 

I

want

Nowhere.

 

I will not

look

at You.

 

I want to

be

Alone, you see.

 

But I

am not

Alone.

 

So please,

let me go

to Nowhere.

Author's Note

Not sure if I like this one. Very boring. And not sure if the short lines are as effective as I think they are. Any comments at all on this one would be good.

Reviews

[justice]

I think it is a cleaver use of capitalization. I am a big fan of personification, and you do a very fine job of bringing complex nouns to life either in personification or making them places. Well done. This is an okay poem. The short lines are an interesting way of sending a message, which I do like. They are effective. The title is very powerful IMO. A wonderful tie of thoughts. The wording is just sooo simplistic that I feel some meaning is lost. You describe it as boring, I wouldn't go that far, but it is on the same road. :) I like the style and the feel. Perhaps a little bit more beef in the poem and you can have a very successful poetic experience. Thanks for sharing it.
J

[Tom Costello]

Yeah I agree with justice, I like the short lines and feel like they could be powerful, but the wording itself is a little too simplistic. You can sense the potential that the lines have to be powerful, they're just not there yet. Try making them a little more descriptive or sensory or specific or something.