Will-o'-the-wisp and Undry Memory

Will-o'-the-wisp and Undry Memory

A Poem by C.
"

First time writing while listening to music. Interesting. Makes it easier, I think. An image I've had in my head for a while.

"
Joy
And a flowing out of life from my eyeballs and sternum
There's a swirling and twisting
It's wind I think
And I almost cry
Crash crash go the waves on the rocks
Where did you go
Please
Grip me with softness and with strength
A heart's-pledge and a shimmering tear
And perhaps we can sit by the lighthouse and watch a purple and orange sky
Glory

© 2010 C.


Author's Note

C.
Not sure how I feel about this one, but it leapt out of me pretty quick. Tell me what you think.

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Reviews

I like it. The rhythm is quick until we hit one of those one-word lines, which stops us in our tracks like a brake on a roller coaster, and then starts back up again in the next few stanzas. It seems to combine many thoughts together, in a very good way, and I get mixed images in my mind (which I like, because poems that are too clear annoy me). Again, well done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Nice attempt, however, the poem seems to be unable to evoke passion in the reader. Are you saying too much and painting less?

Posted 11 Years Ago


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the idea is good but you use language that need not be there..ie using 'and' repeatedly..also your flow is a little disjointed...the concept is good

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on November 25, 2010
Last Updated on November 25, 2010

Author

C.
C.

London, England, United Kingdom



About
I'm a Philosophy major, Creative Writing minor. I like Philip K. Dick, Frank Herbert, Isaac Asimov. Partial to poetry. My poems are mostly short. Recurring themes: detachment, apathy, loss, melancholy.. more..

Writing
Digging Up Worms. Digging Up Worms.

A Poem by C.