Temptation and A Diptych

Temptation and A Diptych

A Poem by C.

Wrote this outside in the rain.

Soft curl of
cigarette's smoke
like a thigh sliding along a thigh

And I know tonight
that I am home

© 2011 C.

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think.

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Beautiful imagery in s1. The 2nd stanza seemed somewhat abrupt. I am not sure what you're trying to say here, but overall it sounds quite nice.

Posted 13 Years Ago

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Hm. Yeah I'm not too pleased with the way the second stanza came out... I feel like it trips over the inertia of the first one. I gotta work on a revised second stanza that will communicate the ideas of the original while still following up with the way the first stanza flows.

Posted 13 Years Ago

The first line is golden, the combination of the two is undeniably powerful. I feel, however that I don't grasp strongly the leap to the second and last stanza, though I understand that the presence of the curling smoke connected you to the profound manifesting in the domestic.

Posted 13 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on December 3, 2010
Last Updated on January 11, 2011
Tags: cigarette, smoke, rain, home, wetness, security



London, England, United Kingdom

I'm a Philosophy major, Creative Writing minor. I like Philip K. Dick, Frank Herbert, Isaac Asimov. Partial to poetry. My poems are mostly short. Recurring themes: detachment, apathy, loss, melancholy.. more..

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A Poem by C.