Missing Valentine

Another one of those Valentine's Day poems.

The second month comes again,
With its fourteenth day.
You promised you'll  be here,
Because you couldn't stay.

On stairs I sit.
Looking at the ajar door.
Every time I think of you,
They close a little bit more.

Tick,tock goes the clock,
Fly by with him hours.
Lonely night descends.
And my head lowers.
 
You didn't come but it's fine.
Because deep inside I know.
That next year,
You'll be my valentine.

Author's Note

It's Valentineeesssss! Not that it makes a difference to me it's just another Sunday but doh well. Had to add to that nice lil' pack of poems that come out during this time of year so here's this.

Reviews

[GalaxyGhost]

Valentines Day, I always find myself singing Beyonce's "All the single ladies." Anyway...I like how this poem has patience in it and if you have ever listened to Shrek: The musical, there's a song Fiona sings called, "I know it's today." Check it out if you haven't. Your poem reminded me of that. I think that the third paragraph, first line needs a space after the first word. Only thing I caught on there.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Hehe yeah tho I could've worded it better as some have noted but I dislike dwelling on lovey dovey stuff much.

[GalaxyGhost]

I quite agree with you. If I had to choose between a romantic comedy and a serious romantic movie or story, I choose the comedy one. I can't stand serious love stories like Romeo and Juliet (which was pretty silly when you think about two teens who only knew each other for three days).

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

I can think of maybe two romantic movies I didn't get bored/sick of during it's run time. On the other hand I can think of maybe even five romantic comedies I sort of liked. I guess I'd pick the same.

[Scrap]

Awwwww....love the hope. The spirit of a child.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thank you heh.

[Richard Patrick]

dream a little dream. the poem was very well crafted. YOu have allowed us see your heart, an what you have felt pertaining to the day of valentine. It was well written, I hope she does appear for you. your heart is pure. your love is secure. May you find that someone to love. How shares your heart and soul. Be true to your heart and you will be free.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh thanks and same to you,in case there already isn't somebody there for you.

[Richard Patrick]

Unfortunatelly, I have a love. All, I am saying is believe in who you are? Allow yourself to see the beauty in thee. You are as rose, delicate petals, but there are some thorns. Allow those to know you and let them tell you what they see in you. Your parents invested all those years in thee. why because you are worthy.

[Cyndy Robinson]

Wonderful Valentines Poem. Some suggestions:

Stanza 1: You promised you'll be here, Because you couldn't stay. It is confusing to me. Had to read it numerous times. I decided it is confusing because your going from present tense to past tense. Anything goes in poetry, but I think this is to confusing. I think I would change it to You promised you would be here.
The second Stanza: Ironically, I like ajar. But I like it better "looking at the door ajar." Its more proper English. Consider adding the word the in the first line to keep the flow. "On the stairs I sit. Looking at the door ajar. You totally lost me on the last line of the second stanza. "They close a little bit more." Who is they? The door? Its singular. "Every time I think of you, all doors close a little more, or It closes a little bit more. Depending on what you meant. I love the poem! Or I wouldn't have taken this much time to say all that!

3rd stanza, again some confusion with fly by him hours. confusing. how about hours fly by him?

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh thanks for suggestions I will look into them and others given when i get the time to change up some of my works. Hopefully I'll use different formatting so it wouldn't end up being copy paste job.

[Armanis]

This poem is decent. It has a subtle rhyme scheme towards the end of the line. The only thing I think you should look out for is the meter. Since the english language is naturally written in iambic meter, it is good to pay attention to this fact. The lines seem a little choppy because of the way you have written it.
Pay attention to what words you pick for example, "Looking at the ajar door"7 syllables.
"Looked upon the open door" would probably be a better fit and would let the poem read a little more smoothly. Notice how it is the same number of syllables.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thanks for both the praise and criticism. I will try to use advice you gave me in my future works.