love what you got

Have you ever done something stupid that you know is wrong but you still did it. Well that’s what I did and know I am in deep s**t. The worst part is that I involved people I loved and cared about. Well this is how it came down.

 

One day probably a year ago my dad was found dead on the couch. And of course with my luck I found him. I’m a joker so when I called my mom and was like “Oh my gosh mom. Dad is on the couch and I think he is dead.” But of course she was all like “stop joking and get dinner ready.”  That pissed me off so much. After that I called the cops and they came rushing over. They said he has been dead for a few hours.

“Nice. Just my luck. What the hell did I do to be the one to find this,” yep my mother got so pissed at me for cursing that she slapped me after the cops left. Damn it. I am in trouble every possible minute. If its not my language its my grades, but whatever. If I ever listened to her then I would be a good girl. Well tough s**t.

They finally they got the autopsy back and he was poisoned. Oh s**t, well I think he might have drank that stuff I stuck in the fridge for a little experiment. Well I was going to put a sign not to drink it, but you know what I was just to f*****g lazy to get off my a*s and go do it. Well it was in one of his beer bottles. Well lets just say that day I went to check it out and it was gone.
          So I just didn’t tell anyone. The next day at school was just a normal day. So I thought. But while I was at school they where trying to find out what poisoned him. God I’m toast. Well I’m sure that they will not be able to figure out that I did it. God I hope. 

 

 

          Unfortunately the murder was blew over. The thing was that they said it was a suicide. Well I think that is just bullshit. If they where real cops they would have been interrogating, but whatever I’m not in trouble.  The next day I notice that this kid was following me.

          “What the f**k kid. What the hell do you want with me,” that may have been a little harsh but what the hell.

          “Um. Ok. I heard that your father was like killed by like a poisoning. Do you know actually what happened,” that poor kid is smatter than he thinks.

          “What the hell is that question. How the f**k do I know how my dad was killed. All I know was that he did suicide. Now I don’t believe that because I swear he was the happiest man in the earth,” ok maybe I said a little too much. 

          “Really so you know that he didn’t commit suicide. Then who did you think did it,” Damn it that kid just does not give up.

          “How the hell am I suppose to know. Now get the hell away from me before I beat the living s**t out of you,” man that kid is just a m**********r. He won’t leave me alone.

          “You mean you would beat me right here and right now. Do it. I dare you,” You know what that is it. Well so I decided to knock one on him. I punched him and he flew backwards.

          “There you go. You happy I did your dare. You got the s**t knocked out of you,” the only problem was that the principle was right behind me. Damn it. That m**********r got me. Maybe I should me a little more careful with what I do. I look over at him and he is smiling. “Nice kid. Thanks I was going to end up there anyway. So you just saved me the hassle. Hey, now that I’m probably going to get suspended I don’t have to come to school. So I thank you,” that f****r believed me. He really thinks I’m happy. That looser.

          Wow the principle is pissed. He is all like I should expel you, but and that’s all I’ve heard. Well he said that he is giving me in school suspension for like the rest of the year. The worst part is that he called my mother and man she was even more pissed off at me then ever.

          “How the hell are you ever going to make it if you are either in detention or suspension? Just because some kid dared you to hit him……,” yep that’s was the ride home. That is all I heard. She is just f*****g pissed. She says your father would have killed you. Well maybe if he wasn’t an alcoholic then that would be a little different. Blah, blah, blah. All f*****g week that is all I heard.

          Well mom finally got sick of me and sent me to get the groceries. Well like the hell with that. I know a guy that’s got pot and I want some so the list she gave me will have to wait. As I’m walking down the street I notice that the kid I punched is following me.

          “What the f**k kid. Are you like F*****g stalking me,” man that kid is going to find out that I’m the wrong person to f**k with.

           “Nothing I just want to know if you would like to go out with me,” really well he wouldn’t be the first. Well when you look like me and have long legs and double D’s you get that a lot. Well he seemed nice. Can’t be that bad. You know what I am going to give him a chance.

          “You know what. The hell with it. Sure,” What the hell was I thinking when I said yes. That was the worst move I ever made, but he was cute and I was just a little high on some crack I had just finished .

          “Really? Well them how bout Friday night eight o’clock. How bout a movie?” all I was thinking was how bad of a head ache I have. I wonder where I could get a smoothie. I want a f*****g smoothie. Haha what flavor do I want. Smoothie is a funny word. “Um. Hello. Are you still there,” Oh s**t I forgot that we where having a conversation.

          “Yeah sorry. Friday at eight. Koolio. So um. You picking me up at my house or and I going to yours,” Oh my gosh I wonder if they have chocolate smoothies.

          “I’ll pick you up,” damn that kid is cool. Damn it maybe I should get his name so I don’t look like a retard.

          “Hey kid. What’s your name?” Man I sound high. Hey I am.

          “My name is Todd. I have a question? Are you high?” Wow that kid is just like smart.

          “Yes I am. I am going up to get more. You want to know what I want. I want a smoothie,” Wow I’m even more high than I thought

          “Then lets go get a smoothie I’ll buy. And I have a question why do you get high,” That is the best question anybody has ever asked. I have only knew that kid now for bout a day and he is already making more of a difference in my life then my own parents. The next thing I know is that I am making out with him and telling my guts.

          For the first time in years I cried.  The only thing I didn’t tell him was that the stuff that killed my dad was something I made. Before I knew it I was at his house and he was comforting me. That kid doesn’t understand that he was the one who changed my life in easy that none of my parents have done.

          I can honestly say that he is the very first boy that I have ever kissed. Any other guy I had a date with where f*****g perverts. Before we had a chance to kiss they had there hands on my b***s. I slapped a bunch of guys that year. And now I just don’t date.

          Well I came home and my mom asked where the groceries are and what took me so long. So she is pissed. I told her I had a date with a really hot guy she was like ‘I don’t give a f*****g hell I want my groceries’ yeah she is a nice one. Damn it I want my crack, but Todd said I’ll thank him in the long run. And for some reason I trust him.

          He has the spunk and modesty. Oh damn it I’m sorry you don’t want to here about him. F**k I could talk bout him for hours. Well today I found out that the dug up my dad and they are looking at him again and going throw the evidence. Oh s**t. They said that something inside them knew it was homicide. Well I am now officially scared. I could honest to god cry. But I never cry in front of my mother. To me crying is a weakness. But for some reason Todd just made me cry right there.

          Nice today I’m getting interrogated. F**k I’m screwed. The only thing is that if they ask if I knew anything and I say no that is not a lie. Because I had no idea that he would take that bottle and drink it. Well that day is like the worst in my life.

          The cops sat me down and I told them strait up that I have a date at eight and I have to have at least an hour to get ready. They said you will go when we let you go. S**t them b*****s. The m**********r w****s think they can outsmart me. Well they got another thing coming.

          They gave me a pen and pencil and they wanted me to right down what happen. Well lets say I started doodling and they got pisses. So they just asked verbal questions and man they where hard question. I ALMOST cried. And as I mentioned before I don’t cry. Well eventually I started writing on the paper about my dad. The cop took it away and read it. Out loud. I started to cry. When he took it away I had put on the bottom that said I love you. And I don’t say that. I haven’t even told my mom that in years. I love you. Three simple words, but they have such a big meaning.

          Well they let me out at four. And my mom was asking and I said “Shut the f**k up. If I want you to f*****g no then I wull tell you the s**t. But you are such a f*****g screw up that I can’t take it anymore. So just stop being a f*****g b***h,” F**k I was harsh. But she thinks her life is hard. I killed a person and she doesn’t know the feeling when you know that you had hurt someone you loved with all your heart.

          Yeah, yeah. Enough of the gushy love stuff well lets just say that night I was slapped and I wasn’t aloud out of my room. Well again if I ever gave a f**k what my mom said then well s**t I might go soft. So at seven I was getting ready and she wanted to know where I was going. I said “I am getting ready for my date. You remember I told you,” yep those exact words and hers where.

          “You are not going on a date you are grounded,” to the hell with her I still got ready and when his car pulled in I snuck out my window. My mom is such a retard she still didn’t know how I get out of the house without her knowing.

          That night was amazing and Todd was like so hot I just couldn’t keep from looking at him. That night I got my first real kiss at the theaters. He was nice didn’t try to touch me once. Well you don’t want to hear details. The only thing I will tell you is that he asked me out again. This time to dinner.

          For some reason he is like the nicest guy I ever met. S**t I think it’s a gig to just get me in bed. He feels very mysteries. Like he has a secret that he is not telling. For the fact I know that he has a secret. I see it in his eyes. Everything I do now seem to be watch. I feel like I am being stalked. I don’t know by who. But when I figure it out that m**********r is going to have to go through me.

          Someone knows what I did. And that person wont stop until I am brought to justice. Everywhere I turned I either saw cops or some weird person. I think the cops seem to know what happen. They are having a court case. Some how Todd was invited. I think he is the one that has been following me. That b*****d was using me and I told him things I never told anyone. The scariest one was that I told him that I was thinking about killing myself. After my dad die. I had written the suicide note a million f*****g times.

           I just never brought myself up to kill myself. I could not just kill my father then leave my mom like that. I might tell her I hate her. The thing is I love her more than she thinks. I know all my punishments are that she loves me. Some are just hell though.      

         

              Bought a month later the court day was today. I did not want to go. I even told my mom that I was sick. Unfortunately she knows that one. Cuz I sorta have used that before. Damn it she is a lot smarter than she looks. F**k I am that screwed. I wonder if my mom knows what I did.

          So that day I was in the stand and I just told them. I was crying and I just looked at Todd and he had a smile like he knew that the whole time. I told the court how I was working on an experiment with some anti-freeze and a whole bunch of things. That I stuck it in the fridge in one of my dads beer bottles.

          The next thing I know is that my mom slapped me saying that I was the worst child ever.

          “I didn’t mean it. I completely forgot one day when I did it that he was an alcoholic,” over my tears that is all I said. 

   "You b***h. You ruined my life. The man i loved is dead becuase," that f*****g hurt. I  dont what will happen after that. The cops escorted my mother out. Now we will sit and wait till the jury says what will happen.

      The jury came back they said it was 2nd degree murder. i have fifteen years to life. Todd came up and said that he was happy on what i got. He knew what i did and he played me. He wanted me to tell. He told them everything i did. That f*****g b*****d ruined my life.

    "You b*****d i trusted you and you used me. I should have known. When you where stalking me i should have known that you where a m**********r. Did you even know my father? He was an alcoholic. Some nights i got a little lesson. I wished he didnt do that," i screamed at what he did to me. And now that Todd realized that it was an accident and what he did and how much he hurt me. He started to cry. He came and hugged me and said im sorry. I didnt mean to hurt you. I didnt know and all that bullshit. I told him to f**k himself and go to hell.

      After that night i was locked in a juivinile jail. They got me help, but i still missed everyone. I missed everything. some nights till tonight i cry myself to sleep. My mother doesnt talk to me. I dont think she ever will. Todd for some reason just keeps coming back.

    

Author's Note

Hope you like it.
ignjore grammer ( as i misspell ignore)