ch. 1

ch. 1

A Chapter by Bandgeek

Amanda is sitting on her bed blasting her music. When all of a sudden there is a KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK…. What was that? She thought. Okay she thought. She is just a little freaked out. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK….. There it is again. She goes up to the window to see what was hitting it. As she pulls the curtains open she felt something breathing on her. She jumps and turns around real fast. Nothing was their. Now she is really starting to get scared.

She goes to run down stairs to tell her mom when she remembers she is working the night shift. The next thing she knows is that her phone starts to ring. The caller id says restricted. So she let it go to voicemail. After it stopped ringing her phone said one new voicemail. She grabs her phone and starts to open it when she hears a cat yell behind her, but when she turns around all she saw is her rug.

She starts to listen to the voicemail.

“Hey it's mom just calling to let you know I won’t be home till the morning.” That was a relief. She closed her phone to see that her brother Jake sent her a message. She goes to read when this god awful picture showed up on the screen. She scrolls down and the message says “Your next.”

The picture was her brother’s head but no body. The background looked like her door.

She cautiously goes over to her door. She opens the door slowly. KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK….  This time she knew exactly where it came from her wardrobe. She goes to grab her phone to call the police, but the phone was gone. She runs to the door to leave the house, but the door is locked.  She is on the third floor, no phone, and door locked. Whoever did this knows what he is doing,

            She finally gets up the nerves to go open the wardrobe. As she walks over to it she hears her phone going off. The only problem is that’s not her ring tone.        



The lights go out.



She struggles to light a candle. She is scared to death her music is still blasting. She feels a gush of wind and the power turns back on.

She looks around the room to see bloody footprints out of the wardrobe and to the window. Now open? She looks in the wardrobe to see her brother’s body and her cell phone.

The cops are here her mother is crying and Amanda is scared to death. While her mother is crying Amanda tries to figure things out. She makes a list and another and another. She just can’t figure it out. The cops think she did it. But she knows there was someone in that house and she was next.

She didn’t know when or where he would strike. She just knew she was next. After a while she became depressed no matter how many times she told them what happened. They still think she is lying, delusional and just making stories up. They have no proof that she did it only that she was in the house. But there was never a scream or a yell. That’s what got her.


© 2011 Bandgeek

My Review

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Well.... I like the idea behind this story but the sentence structure is all wonky. I can't for the life of me follow what you're saying and find myself rereading sentences many times. I think I know what you were going for (writing like a conscious stream of thought. Random odds and ends, little structuring, that sort of thing) but it just hurts my head.

A for effort, but if this were an english class I'd have to get out my red pen, lol.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Creepy... and you've doomed me for nightmares... my name is Amanda...

Posted 9 Years Ago

wow... i find this story amazing continue the good work =D

Posted 9 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on June 3, 2010
Last Updated on March 13, 2011



Columbus, OH

I haven't been on here in so long. I read through my old stuff and remembered why I was writing. I hope I can get back into the habit. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. more..

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