ch. 2

ch. 2

A Chapter by Bandgeek

It had been about a month since the murder. The police said it was an unsolvable case. She never stays home alone anymore. Her mother made them move out of state, but that thing that killed her brother bothers her still. She gets threatening messages. Some of them of are people that he has killed. She has seen babies, children, teens, and adults. The killer doesn’t care who he kills, any age suits him. The weird thing is they’re from all over the world.

After a while she got over it. She got rid of her cell phone. She was hanging with friends again. She had a life back. So she thought.


She was chillen in her room like always at ten at night. All of a sudden the phone rang. She thought that was unusual. But she still answered it

There was deep breathing. They kept repeating the same words. “Its time,” over and over again.

Now she was officially freaking out. She runs to her mom’s room, but it was empty. There was a disturbed feeling in the room. She looked around nothing was missing the only thing was that the window was open and the wardrobe was wide open. She runs to the phone to call the cops. But the phones where all dead, none of them worked. Then all of a sudden deep breathing was coming from the phone.

            She started to hypervenolate. She knew that something was wrong but she didn’t know exactly what was wrong. BAM the door slammed shut. Whatever had her mom was still in the house, or even worse in the room.

The only thing she remembered from last night was that her mom went missing and a whole bunch of other things. The very last thing that happened was that something had hit her on her head.

As Amanda finally takes in her surroundings she realizes that she is not at home anymore. Amanda is starting to think that she is at the killer’s house.

The house is like no other she has ever seen. The lights are the color of blood. The walls are as dark as the midnight sky without a moon. The carpet was nothing. It was cement. This guy that stood by the wall was secretive and conniving. Amanda thinks she might even know him.

He walks up and looks at her straight in the eye. He gives her a smile. The way he looks. She feel like she know him from somewhere. She gives him a dirty look. A single tear escapes her eye. All he does is laugh.

"I see my newest companion is here," his voice rings a bell. she just didn't know who he was.

"Who are you? Please let me go. I didn’t do anything," she is just in tears now. I know what’s goin to happen. He is going to kill me slowly and painfully.

"You know exactly who I am. We met at the park. You rode right over my toe on that two wheeled thing," he just shouted it. After he said that it all just flooded back into her mind. She was riding her bike with her best friend and she didnt see him their and just ran over his toe. She still remebers those words she said " move yoru a*s fatty," She didnt know made her say that. He went and took her family from her to hurt her worse. And now it’s my turn. She starts to say im sorry, but before I could finish he slapped her so hard that he face turned bright red. He told her not to speak unless spoken to.

He starts to speak in some weird language. He finally gets into English. He told her that tomorrow we start to have fun. That can’t be good. Fun for him. Torture for me.


 The next morning he came and shook me awake. He had all these things. That looked like torture devices. He just stands there smiling. It looks like this is his favorite thing to do.


© 2011 Bandgeek

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Ditto, with the perspective shifts. Also... unsolvable murder case? What about the bloody footprints? Is this a supernatural killer who doesn't leave any trace of himself? What about fingerprints left on the window sill from when the killer opened it? What about all the hairs and skin cells he must have left from when he was in the wardrobe? What about the police tracing the source of the calls and texts and messages that Amanda keeps getting?
It may sound like I'm nitpicking (I am) but these are things to consider in a murder/horror mystery such as this. Unless those things aren't important to you. In which case, nevermind.

Posted 9 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The man is creepy as hell but it proves what mommy always said 'Be careful what you say'... or better yet, be careful what you say to whom...

Also, you keep jumping from third person to first person... be careful with that, it's very confusing...

Posted 9 Years Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on June 3, 2010
Last Updated on March 13, 2011



Columbus, OH

I haven't been on here in so long. I read through my old stuff and remembered why I was writing. I hope I can get back into the habit. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. more..

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