sad

i just need to write when I'm down because it helps.

i am sad.

i have lost a person to a dream and that dream was shattered by a reality that perseveres relentlessly for my hopeless heart. or should i say hopeful? so hopeful it’s hopeless because the reality is a pattern but so are my dreams. but these patterns are opposites that hate the other.

i am really sad.

i wanted something that i didn’t know i wanted so badly. was it all a fictitious thing? did i make an elaborate unreality that i put too much faith in? did i think too much about the simplicities? i guess i did because now you love someone else and you never loved me. i have to move on from nothingness.

i am really really sad.

and i’m sorry. i’m so sorry that i put so much hope on you, even if you didn’t know. i’m sorry for the burden i placed on you, and i’m sorry for the way i will sometimes act towards you because of this. i will sometimes be angry for no reason because you hurt me by simply existing. and i’m so sorry for this because i can’t explain it because that would hurt even worse. because you can’t fix it. because you love someone else. and you will never. ever. love me.

i am just really…really sad.

Author's Note

punctuation and capitalization was intentional, just so ya know