Chapter 4 - Friend Me.

Chapter 4 - Friend Me.

A Chapter by Ariana H

I know this is a suuuper short chapter but oh well. Please Review, Rate, & Comment. Even criticism is good because it helps me be a better writer so add that in your review too!

Chapter 4 - 

Math class was pretty boring and she didn’t learn anything because she was staring at Ian for most of it. He even caught her a few times and chuckled. When she wasn’t looking at Ian, she was doodling in her notebook or observing the people who she would spend her next four years of school with. Yay. 
A few periods later, Liz walked to the lunchroom. Tons of kids were retrieving lunches and sitting down at tables before they were filled. Liz decided not to get lunch today so she just stood at the entrance of the lunchroom and searched for a table that would possibly accept her. Right as she was about to sit at a table alone, she heard a familiar voice calling for her. 
“LIZ, Come sit here!”
It was Ethan, sitting at a full table. Ethan seemed so quiet and shy before. I didn’t know he had a whole group of friends. Liz walked over to the round shaped table and searched for a seat. She noticed there was an empty spot in between Ethan and a girl she hadn’t seen before.  Liz walked over to the spot and awkwardly sat down in the hard plastic seat. The unknown girl stopped the conversation with the person next to her and turned to face Liz. 
“Hey. What’s your name?”
Liz was overwhelmed with all these outgoing people trying to talk to her today. She hesitated and said, “I’m Liz. What’s yours?”

“I’m Jillian. Nice to meet yah.” Jillian paused for a moment, then started pointing at all of the students at the table, saying, “This is Zack, Sam, Ryan, Sarah, and Hannah. This is pretty much it for people who sit at our table.”

“Oh, Hi.” The table consisted of people with all different styles. Maybe this is a table full of people who don’t fit in anywhere else? Liz looked around the table. Zack was talking about his new long board to Ethan and was wearing a monster energy drink sweatshirt, black skinny jeans and brightly colored Osiris sneakers. Sam was currently taking a sip of his milk and was wearing a football jersey, basketball shorts, and a pair of Nike 6.0’s. Ryan was flirting with Hannah and was wearing a Metallica shirt, a distressed pair of jeans, and some high top converse. Sarah was talking to Jillian about the homecoming dance, even though it wasn’t soon, and was wearing a vintage floral dress with brown leather flip flops. Last but not least, Hannah was rolling her eyes at Ryan and wore a Hollister tank top, worn out jeans and stylish boots. 

Liz mingled with all of them and lunch turned out pretty well. The rest of the day went normally, making new friends in every class. Liz kept thinking to herself, maybe high school isn’t so bad. At the end of the day, she came home on the bus, slouched down into her moms computer chair, and went on facebook. Everyone at her lunch table today had friend requested her including Ethan. A friend request from each of the Barbie’s that she met in the hallway were on the list, even Lily. There was a large variety from people that she had met throughout the day, but the one that made her smile the most was Ian

© 2011 Ariana H

Author's Note

Ariana H
Criticize, Compliment, and Give advice please!(:

My Review

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I've read all chapters up to now, and I will say that there is a certain style in here waiting to break out. I think this type of writing, if practiced and edited would be a great teenage-fiction.

At the moment though, there are a couple of problems. Some content wise some writing wise. First of all, there is no need to use capitals when shouting - volume and tone and all that stuff should be suggested - so try to think of some creative words to describe how people are speaking. The main character has a decent narrative voice, but I just feel there needs to be some hammering down of a certain style. Just to find your feet, keep trying and reading others is all I can suggest.

There are a couple of places where you didn't put a capital I and things like that would be useful to get someone to proof-read out. And there are a couple of chapters and detail that seem needless. Try reading every sentence out loud and seeing if you can spice it up to make it always as interesting as possible. Always try to make sure something is happening, or it is detail that is leading to something happening.

But even though it's not really aimed at me - I did quite like it. Thanks for sharing :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

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Added on October 2, 2011
Last Updated on October 2, 2011


Ariana H
Ariana H


Hey! My name is Ariana. I am 16 years old; A Sophomore in high school. Reading is probably my biggest hobby. I LOVE to read. I like writing stories & poetry, but I'm a bit of an amateur. I also pl.. more..

Sure. Sure.

A Story by Ariana H