Forever Didn't Last Too Long...

Forever Didn't Last Too Long...

A Poem by Ariana H
"

My boyfriend and I just broke up and I literally wrote this poem in 2 minutes. I just write to get things off my mind but I still like feedback so give me some, even if its bad.

"
The way I felt,
Unloved,
Unwanted,
Not cared for,
Not the way a girlfriend should feel.

I called you that night,
Confronted you,
Said we needed a break,
I was so wrong.

Next day,
Crying,
Feeling pain,
Regretting my decision,
I wanted you back.

You told me I was right,
Wasn’t treated the way I should be,
You don’t have time for a girl.

So I guess that’s it,
We’re done,
Over with,
God that’s so hard to say.

For once in my life,
I found someone I thought I could love forever.
Well, Forever didn’t last too long...

© 2012 Ariana H


Author's Note

Ariana H
I honestly think it sounds pretty choppy. But once again, I'm a amateur poet, not even a poet. I just write poems when I need to vent. But I do like a lot of feedback, and even criticism is ok.. Just not too harsh, put it in a nice way please. Thanks..

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Reviews

It is very outright; doesn't leave much to the imagination. But the concept works oh so well. I'm fairly sure everyone can understand this piece - so it'll reach out to a wide audience.

I think any relationship that goes on a 'break' is pretty much over. Statistically if nothing else :P Thanks for sharing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


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SB
It's a little choppy and maybe a little too straightforward. But as a two minute vent with no revision? Not bad at all

Posted 8 Years Ago


It does us all good to thrash it out on the keyboard and for your age I think you did a pretty good job. If you want to turn it into something better it just needs a little trimming...you do not need 'unloved, unwanted AND uncared for'...it is a bit too much...It does read is if you have just ripped it out of your heart...You just need to sit back, relax and feel the words a little more....Just my humble opinion...

Posted 8 Years Ago



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225 Views
3 Reviews
Added on July 1, 2012
Last Updated on July 1, 2012
Tags: love, heart break, forever, broken, boyfriend, girlfriend

Author

Ariana H
Ariana H

MA



About
Hey! My name is Ariana. I am 16 years old; A Sophomore in high school. Reading is probably my biggest hobby. I LOVE to read. I like writing stories & poetry, but I'm a bit of an amateur. I also pl.. more..

Writing
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A Story by Ariana H