"I'm lost"

This is experimental, the goal: eloquence in its brevity.

Child: "I'm lost mom" 

Mom: "......"

Author's Note

I need reviewers to answer the question and maybe help me with character development. Answer as if you were the mother of this child, who you knew was about to die.

Reviews

[Frank]

Child: "I'm lost mom" [capital letter for a name Mam is used as a name here, the child is crying to Mam, who also is her mother.

Mom: "......"

This isn't a poem, it may be a line or two, possibly an epigram.

Suggest:
'I can see you darling, don't worry. I can see you in the mirror.'

[brezybaby3]

My darling dear you cant be lost
for you see i am always near
and soon you see
my precious one
Jesus will hold you close
And He has always loved you most.

[Chuba kichu]

Lol. You wrote it too long. Shorten it .

[Mr. Box]

Maybe just a little suggestion from me, the child's mother reminds him that even he is lost, his mother will not leave him and will always be there for him.

[T. Adams]

Fear not my love, for you are not alone. Wherever you go I am with you.

[LizzyLK4]

This reminds me of one of my tattoos, a quote from The Crow with Brandon Lee..."Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children"...so few words and yet with such a profound meaning,...brilliant

[Brooklyn]

I love that movie!!! Yeah that's an awesome quote ;.) It's a shame about Brandon Lee.

[Skai Rain]

I'm not a mom, but here's a map :)

[Brooklyn]

I like the concept of a map, great idea.

[The StoryTeller]

I'm not female, but here I'll try. :p

Child: "I'm lost mom."

Mom: "My beautiful darling, you are not lost, for I am here with you. My love will keep you and care for you. What is lost can always be found. Even if you are not with me, you can be safe and found in the reassurance of my love. I will never forsake you. Honey, don't be scared. I will always be with you, and will always be watching you, even when I am not by your side. As for your fear, your fear of leaving me and life, you are not leaving. This world is full of pain and suffering, and if you are here, I will protect you from it. If you are not, you are going to real life, real happiness. For the Lord has you in his hand, and he will never forsake you. No matter what happens, both he and I are with you, forever, and we love you unconditionally."

Hope that helps you Brooklyn, please tell me what you think. It somewhat depends upon the age and maturity of the child, but that is the best I have. As of the moment. It is eloquence in it's brevity, and in two lines if you keep the mom as "......." it shows an entire wealth of emotions and feelings and thoughts and actions. I won't say them for fear of ruining the greatness of other readers discovering them. Don't want to be a spoiler. Brooklyn, if you want to know what those are, just email me. (Through the site of course.) I love how you let the reader fill in the blank, and then asked them to share. It gives the brief poem so many ways to go, and gives it truly diverse beauty. It also lets others see others thoughts, which can always help. As to help with character development, just be the best you can be. Care for others, and see the pain in the world. Instead of being part of that negativity and pain, be opposite of it, and be a force against it, caring for others.

[Brooklyn]

I like the reach for emotion :) Thanks

[The StoryTeller]

Yea thanks, I did my best. I realized later after reading your other writing that this was to help there in the story, and I really think (not mine because it's not all that good :p) that you should use some of what people said in this article to add emotion to "Duck Pond" between the Mother and Son. Keep up your writing though, you're good.

[Coyote Poetry]

I do this one often. Many children looking for AWOL mama. Need to be calm. Hope the children can speak. Get first name and hope the mother come quickly.
Coyote

[Jerald Infant Jeyarethi..]

Mom: I've found you my darling:)