Away In Summer

sun burns above you

somewhere wells evaporate

and rain over me

Author's Note

Syllable Count: 17
Syllable Form: 5-7-5

Reviews

[Moonie]

I always believe that in poetry less is more...the less you try to dictate the reader's imagination, the more meaning he can extract...first off the way you wrote it appeals to the senses and incites curiosity....I can find many interpretations to this, but I would share only one...I got a feeling that this could be taken as a metaphor for world poverty...the way the sun of troubles is always high up in the skies for the underprivileged, and how their troubles and their hardwork pays off for the rich...

[Stonz P.]

Thank you for reading, Moon's fairest daughter... appreciate your insights.

[Sami Khalil]

Like it. Short. Powerful. Meaningful. Welling of natural elements.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such a well done senryu...

i like the middle line...somewhere...and yet...the raining then is a good thing...

i get the positives of this rain...it is love---

[Stonz P.]

Thank you for your kind words, Jacob.

I re-analysed the poem when I read your comment and am still perplexed how this presents itself as a senryu too. But since my intention was to portray 'a feeling during rains in summer' and also that the tone is more serious than humorous, I decided to go with the categorization as haiku.
Let me know if my conclusion is incorrect.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it's close, as far as which one...there is nature here....but haiku is strictly nature...and senryu is the exact same form, but deals with human emotion and other elements...regardless of the label...this is an exquisite short write.

[Stonz P.]

Then so be it, I shall remove the inconclusive label. The poem's more essential.
Thank you.