Mine

Mine

A Poem by Alice Miller
"

From a chronicle I've kept- my first shot over the bow.

"
I spent my childhood trying to see myself from others’ eyes
Envisioning a willowy whisper in the summer wind
A starburst spilling soliloquies under stage lights
Something mesmeric enough to be wanted to be seen
And now I see
The happy, selfish, loveless lover I’ve become
Who lives for no one but myself, for the joy it brings
Puts on my favorite winter hat
Spins dizzying circles in the parking lot
Plants spinach and peas and seeks out stories
And writes like this
Not because anyone will see it
Not because a thousand years from now, someone will care
The way I used to imagine that they would
I care.
I light my salt lamp, say what I want, and forgive myself
This life
My life
It’s a flight and a free fall and it’s mine

© 2022 Alice Miller


Author's Note

Alice Miller
I'd genuinely love some constructive feedback here. I've isolated my writing practices for the past couple of years, and I'm hoping that branching out again will do some good.

My Review

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Reviews

No isolation to be found in writerscafe. Let your branches sound! I really liked the line 'the happy, selfish, loveless lover I've become'. I think most of us might relate to that at some point in our lives. And we could all hope to still be read in a thousand years!

Let me read you more before I start to get constructive. I feel like you punctuated this poem enough to make it worth the effort to completely punctuate it. Didn't feel like enjambment was enough.

Bill

Posted 2 Months Ago


Alice Miller

2 Months Ago

You can't know how excited I am to scour through your writing. I may set aside some time to fully pu.. read more
4th line, 1st word; I saw "Something" but my mind read, "Someone". (???)
This was a resurrection poem worth reading, a born-again testament to doing it your way. And It Worked Well!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Alice,
First of all this is good - really good. I get the sense of a little of Mary Oliver combined with Emily Dickinson. I especially like your use of alliteration - it's subtle enough to seem unforced and therefore natural. The minimal use of enjambment works well in this poem. It has a nice rhythm and it adds to the mystery with the short lines at the end. Quite a solid effort. Congrats.

Posted 4 Months Ago



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3 Reviews
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Added on April 8, 2022
Last Updated on April 8, 2022
Tags: self-realization, love, forgiveness, rebirth

Author

Alice Miller
Alice Miller

Verona, VA



About
A young old soul, trying to get back into the swing of things. more..

Writing