Indefinitely Penelope (1 Scene)

16 year old Penelope worries that she's a bad kisser... and her best friend is most certainly not willing to test the theory. (1 Scene)

Indefinitely Penelope- Scene 2

Penelope

Would you make out with me?

Matt

Woah. No. Wow. We've been friends for way too long. Ew.

Penelope

Why wouldn't you make out with me? Is there something wrong with me?

Matt

I just ate... I'm not really prepared to have this conversation with you.

Penelope

I'm totally normal looking, and I have nice b***s- sure, they're not huge, but they're proportionate. I mean, I'm short and skinny, like how huge do my b***s need to be- so why wouldn't you want to make out with me?

Matt

Maybe it's because you're lecturing me about the size of your b***s.

Penelope

You're avoiding the question. Why wouldn't want have sex with me?

Matt

Look. You have a nice personality-

Penelope

A nice personality? Are you kidding me? That's like the kiss of death. No one wants make out with a nice personality. (beat) If you'd never met me, would you make out me?

Matt

If I'd never met you, I wouldn't know you, so I'm pretty sure I couldn't make out with you.

Penelope

Thanks for that.

Matt

I mean, I guess so. You're pretty-

Penelope

That's disgusting. Don't ever tell me I'm pretty again.

Matt

Don't flatter yourself. I was about to tell you that you're pretty annoying. I don't even know what you want to hear at this point.

Penelope

I want to hear that you'll make out with me! (beat) Or that you would. You know. If I wanted you to.

Matt

So do you?

Penelope

Do I what?

Matt

Want to me to make out with you?

Penelope

Dear god. No. I don't want to make out with you. I want to know if you'll make out with me.

Matt

Isn't that the same thing?

Penelope

Of course not! Look. I'm not trying to be all 50 shades of cray here.

Matt

That's not a thing.

Penelope

Now it is. Am I destined to be unloved forever?

Matt

Stop with the crazy eyes.

Penelope

I'm not DOING crazy eyes. I'm freaking the hell out.

Matt

And why, exactly, are you freaking out?

Penelope

Because Austin told me that I'm a bad kisser. And I need you to make out with me and tell me if he's just being and idiot or if he's actually being serious.

Matt

And this is five minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Matt exits.

Penelope

Does that mean you'd rather have sex with me?

Author's Note

Sorry about the formatting of this, not quite sure how to use the site yet.