Habits

Dirtied by the dust

Of despair

The sunlight of

Her plumage

Is muted

The incessant

Ping

Ping

Of the miner's

Ping

Dissatisfaction

Reverberates along

The bars

Of her prison

Ping

The rugged flow

Of this inky

Revenue

Is studied

Uncomprehendingly

By the sacrifice

Ping

Her obsidian sharp

Eyes

Gaze upon the

Ping

Of pickaxes

Of bloody blisters

Broken

For the sake of a

Ping

Family

Every

Ping

Is profit

Food

Life

Ping

The canary

Scarcely illuminated by

The flickering

Ping

Takes a rapid breath

Ping

Ping

Methane

Ping

She gratefully falls

From her perch

But her warning

Ping

Goes unheeded

Ping

Ping

The allure of wealth

Ping

Insatiable

Ping

Ping

Ping

........

Author's Note

This is obviously a canary in a coal mine; it is also a metaphor. People focus all their energies on obtaining money, and often ignore all else, which leads to a wasted life.

Reviews

[Poeticadia]

Clever analogy... they take the canary down there as a precaution, then don't heed the warning when it dies... like managers that turn a blind eye to dangerous working conditions to ensure their profit. Though possibly coal-miners themselves (in our country at least) don't make the best metaphor for people out to make a profit... as it's more likely bank executives and property tycoons (though i can't think of good metaphor for them right now, but i'm sure there are some good ones like... ping ping... sorry, did you miss that? lot of noise here... ping ping)

[Ravyne Hawke]

I love the idea of a bird trying to warn miners as they continue to work without alarm..definitely shows how greedy our society is. Loved the "ping" such a great noise word. Wonderful poem, Ben!

[FJ Davis]

A wonderful poem, complete with sight and sound effects.
As art, it reverberates.
Yet another superior offering, Mr. Taylor.

[ice]

The repetition of "ping" makes the poem audible...and also adds the dimension
of consistency that one feels when a habit will not let its owner rest..the desire to act out is an imperative at times...like a thought that reoccurs in a persistent manner...all this is in this poem

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

I like this my friend.

[0_o Abbie]

wow. Deep. I love this. It has a nice flow. I usually don't like one word lines but this is good. I like it. :D

[Judy Ponceby]

Wow! This is excellent. But, I would interpret it differently I'm afraid. Having had some family work in the coal mines, I never knew one who would have done it if not for their family or their families needs. They sought only a living for their family, and decadence and wealth was far beyond their abilities to conceive of. So, due to my experiences, I see this in a different light. And, I find it beautiful and well done. The hammer tapping throughout is exquisitely done. Thank you for sharing Ben.

I like this. It is very visual, I could sense myself being in that mine.

[i.am.the.sun.]

reading into this, this is an excellent poem! at first i was really impressed because i was wondering why you weren't using punctuation, but then soon it seemed "ping" because punctuation itself. then about 3/4 of the way through that kind of just fell apart. this was great, but when the "ping" started interrupting sentences and being the cause for the breaks in the lines it got a little confusing. you can't help but hear the noise when you read it and when it's in the middle of the sentence it makes you stutter. now, i know that's an excellent example of what you're sort of trying to get across here, but for me it just seemed like it could be moved around a bit or lighten up on. good write :)